It's the end of another year. Hoped to be in remission by now, but the cancer had other plans. I will be on Doxil for awhile. Had one month of Taxol and all my hair fell out. "Hair across Texas..." It has now come back, not very long, I do try to poof it, but my husbands not to crazy about it when I try to be creative. I would love to bleach my hair white if I could look like Annie Lennox. I just love her music. My husband wants me to look more feminine I guess. Went to OK and had a fabulous time at my neice's wedding, It was beautiful, fun and a great festive time. E and R came, talked E into going back to Albu. with my bro for a while. Hope he thinks very hard about going back to D. (She is prego with another guys baby, and they are not divorced yet. drama,drama, drama.) Went to Alaska this year. More pictures to come. That was beautiful. Started construction on the shed to turn it into a small apartment for mom-in-law. My goats had 5 babies (4 living) and we had to burry Sam the billy. He was a bad billy, he wouldn't stay in his yard, and he was abusive to his kids. Just got another 6month old billy. I hope this scrawnee little billy can hold his own until he's billy enough for the girls. Right now it looks like he's on the bottom of the pecking order. (Must be last to be first?) I couldn't believe how they treated him. They just tied his back feet to one front foot and carried him like a suitecase when they put him in my car. I broke my heart. I lifted him out of my car and carried him to the hose to wash off the bird poop and clean him up a bit before I introduced him to the pack. My goats are very spoilt, I treat them like pets, they are named, groomed, loved (if they will let me) and fed bits of chips, crackers, carrots and stuff. So far Grey, one of the babies still wont get to close, and now this new one he's scared to death. (Goats HATE water.) Oh well, he will get used to me in the long run if he wants treats. Work has gone well this year. They have really worked with my schedule and my being off for chemo and they even helped alot with finances and gifts. I'm so glad I work for a group that has taken care of me. I don't what I would do if they didn't. Most of my kids have done well this year. Not all have done as well as I'd hoped and 5 or 6 have died. (Only 2 did I get close to.) I try not to get too close, but sometimes I just fall in love with them and thier families. I've made some good work friendships this year, and I'm trying to get to know some of the families in Canton. I'm going to miss Kathy, my next door neighbor, I was hoping we could keep each other going for a while. M. is going to miss the girls, they have gone to live with thier other grandparents. My year has been about Chemo, Goats, C. getting married, my family, construction, and mostly work. I feel like most of my life is centered around work.

Blessings this year: My daughter. My husband. I have a good job. My cancer is under control. I have 9 goats, 2 cats and one beta fish named Red.

Happy New Year and DON'T DRINK and DRIVE!!!! (Unless you are an organ donar.)

This past week has been really manic. Last Saturday my next door neighbor lost her battle with pancreatic cancer. She was only 54, worked as a nurse and raised 4 kids. Breaks my heart and scares me a lot. I know that her CA was a very agresive, non treatable type, but still it was cancer. We went to her "viewing" my daughter wanted to know why we had to go see Kathy when she was already in heaven. I told her that was a good question, that we were going to say good-bye and to hug Rebel and Austin if they were there. She was soo good. She hugged Rebel and said she was going to miss his nana, and then she hugged Mr Neil and Julie (Reble's mom). I'm so glad I have a compasonate daughter. We didn't get to go the the funeral as I am doing the one day work and on day off until the end of the year. I've check on Neil and he seems to be holding up ok. Work OMG, It has been soooooooo crazy. My chronic OHT got sick and needed therapy Q1, as well as another new one decided he needed surgery now, and every ICU bed in the hospital was full. By thrusday I was worn out, and one of my long term babies died, it was the straw that broke my back. When I found out she had died, I tried to go say good-bye to her and her mom and dad, but they had already gone. No time to cry, no time to mourn, had 5 other babies and a boat load of treatments. I cried all the way home. Her funeral was saturday, again I was at work getting my but kicked with a ton of therapy. This season the hospital did not prepare for RSV season. We don't have the extra RN's we are short RCP's and for some crazy reason we have had several babies born with heart defects. Today has been better, babies are getting better and moving to the floors, one of my kids got a new heart for christmas, and my sick chronic kids are getting better. Had an earlie christmas with M and D. M came in at 7am crying that Santa didn't bring her what she had asked for in her letter. She said that the stockings were fell down and he didn't bring her anything. We got up and started opening presents. After all were opened, she finally agreed that santa did come and she got everything accept the kitty foot messager from walmart. I had to explain that santa doesn't always give us everything. Mom and Dad came for breakfast, more presents and dinner. Mom and Dad got a new dog, so we had to go and see her. Cute, but very scared. D. got sick after breakfast so he slept most of the day. Had a nice relaxing day. Watched Star Wars III, ate, ate somemore, watched M's movie and went to bed. I am hoping that this week will be better at work I like a steady pace not a crazy not sure I can get it all done pace. My thought is...that the hospitals lack of planing does not constitute an emergency on my part. Last week I thought I was back at UNMH where we just did the best we could. I guess I just got spoilled by having nice loads and enough staff to really take care of our kids. So much for the hospital reorganizing. Work us harder and pay us less. Oh well, I knew it couldn't last forever. Just hope they continue to work with me and my cancer. Gotta go TTFN

No chemo this week, yeah!! My numbers are stable, my CT is the same "stable" and Dr Stringer says quality of life is important, so it won't set me back to take the holidays off.
One thing I have come to accept is that this stupid cancer will not just go away like the common cold. It has it's foot in the door and won't just go away. But, with chemo I can keep it at the door and not all the way in and through the house. Simple thoughts for a complicated dease.

Got the goat house finished somewhat. They can at least get out of the rain and cold. Now we don't have to worry if they are getting into the construction site.

Construction is going well, it will end abuptly the end of the month, it's the end of the money for a while.

Going to a christmas party with the ladies in my ovarian support group.
TTFN.

I've had a great day at work today. I have taken care of my kids and had time to read bloggs.
I love Kimdergardens site, and all her blog friends.
It's just amazing the stories from around the globe.

Went and saw the Harry Potter movie yesterday. I had to fill in a lot of the blanks for my husband, he hasn't read any of the books, and could keep up with who was who and what was going on. It was ok thought, we were the only ones in the theator at 11am. Glad I didn't take my daughter, it was a little on the dark side. This weekend I promised her we would go see the Chronicals of Narnia. She keeps calling it the "The Lion of Narnia." I have tried to read her the book, but with out pictures her attention span is short. It won't be long and she will be reading novels all by her self. I just can't get over how fast she is learning. Texas is way ahead of NM. Kindergarten here is first grade there. The other amazing thing is all 18 kids are on the same page. If one gets a little behind, the aid or librarian takes extra time with them. I just hope this continues. Not that I'm a pushy mommy or anything.

I love telling my story of my blind, deaf, and disabled baby.
My daughter was born 8 weeks early. At one week of age she was on a ventilator for apnea and brady spells. (She didn't always want to breath.) Then they found out she had interventricular hemorages in her brain (grade III IVH). At which the neonatologist said she would most likely be blind, deaf and mentally delayed. Then she developed a large cavernous hemangioma on the nape of her neck. NM docs said, leave it alone it will go away by the time she is 8. It grew, it bleed, it grew some more and her head was cocked to the right. She couldn't hold her head up, nor could she roll over. My husband and I took to the internet and found the book and the Doc who wrote the book. September 2000, we went to Arkansas Childrens to see Dr Waner. He surgically removed her hemangioma and she rolled over the very next day. Of course, when we got home her docs were very mad at me for going over, around and behind their backs to get my daughter taken care of. In fact the Doc that had to take the stitches out almost go a fist in his mouth from me when he stated that he could have removed the hemangioma. I had only been looking for someone to do the surgery for 7 months. It was a good thing I was holding my daughter, I would have knocked his block off. (I guess I'm still a little sore about having to leave the state to get her medical attention.)
I made the insurance company pay for physical therapy, and low and behold. She was not blind, she just needed visual stimulation, she wasn't deaf, she was just tuning out all the NICU noise, and by the age of 36 months, she was right on target for her age.

If anyone has a hemangioma please don't ingore it, Dr Waner is now in New York, but he is the best. You can catch him on Discover Health every now and then.

Photos of my beautiful daughter to be put on later. I'm at work and photos are at home.
TTFN

More pictures of alaska coming later.

Went to First Monday Trades day yesterday in Canton. It was a great day, warm, slight breeze, and cinamon sugar pecans. Just can't beat that. M and I went to the dogpatch area and looked at the dogs, chickens, donkeys, ponies, dogs, more dogs, and a few goats. When we got there a lady and her friends had bought all the baby goats, and they were hollering. M and I went and petted them, then we went looking for a Billy. Found three, they would have given Liberty and Jingle (our whethers) a good show, but I just don't like billys. I'll have to go around to the goat farms around here and ask if I could barrow one for a week or so next spring and get all the girls pregnant.
Children's had there Parade today, I watched it in all my pt rooms. Lots of therapy today. Some days I feel that my unit is mostly "chronic's" I keep telling my babies, that they can't go to kindergarten from the CVICU, but they aren't listening to me. Today two more repeaters came in. Not that I wish babies to have heart defects, but I could use some new babies.

Well, time to do therapy. TTFN