This past week has been really manic. Last Saturday my next door neighbor lost her battle with pancreatic cancer. She was only 54, worked as a nurse and raised 4 kids. Breaks my heart and scares me a lot. I know that her CA was a very agresive, non treatable type, but still it was cancer. We went to her "viewing" my daughter wanted to know why we had to go see Kathy when she was already in heaven. I told her that was a good question, that we were going to say good-bye and to hug Rebel and Austin if they were there. She was soo good. She hugged Rebel and said she was going to miss his nana, and then she hugged Mr Neil and Julie (Reble's mom). I'm so glad I have a compasonate daughter. We didn't get to go the the funeral as I am doing the one day work and on day off until the end of the year. I've check on Neil and he seems to be holding up ok. Work OMG, It has been soooooooo crazy. My chronic OHT got sick and needed therapy Q1, as well as another new one decided he needed surgery now, and every ICU bed in the hospital was full. By thrusday I was worn out, and one of my long term babies died, it was the straw that broke my back. When I found out she had died, I tried to go say good-bye to her and her mom and dad, but they had already gone. No time to cry, no time to mourn, had 5 other babies and a boat load of treatments. I cried all the way home. Her funeral was saturday, again I was at work getting my but kicked with a ton of therapy. This season the hospital did not prepare for RSV season. We don't have the extra RN's we are short RCP's and for some crazy reason we have had several babies born with heart defects. Today has been better, babies are getting better and moving to the floors, one of my kids got a new heart for christmas, and my sick chronic kids are getting better. Had an earlie christmas with M and D. M came in at 7am crying that Santa didn't bring her what she had asked for in her letter. She said that the stockings were fell down and he didn't bring her anything. We got up and started opening presents. After all were opened, she finally agreed that santa did come and she got everything accept the kitty foot messager from walmart. I had to explain that santa doesn't always give us everything. Mom and Dad came for breakfast, more presents and dinner. Mom and Dad got a new dog, so we had to go and see her. Cute, but very scared. D. got sick after breakfast so he slept most of the day. Had a nice relaxing day. Watched Star Wars III, ate, ate somemore, watched M's movie and went to bed. I am hoping that this week will be better at work I like a steady pace not a crazy not sure I can get it all done pace. My thought is...that the hospitals lack of planing does not constitute an emergency on my part. Last week I thought I was back at UNMH where we just did the best we could. I guess I just got spoilled by having nice loads and enough staff to really take care of our kids. So much for the hospital reorganizing. Work us harder and pay us less. Oh well, I knew it couldn't last forever. Just hope they continue to work with me and my cancer. Gotta go TTFN