A way to keep connected

2007-05-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

Well, my Ca125 is up to 141.5, but my CT scan is steady as a rock and My exam is unchanged. Soo, we are starting tamoxifen. Everybody pray that this is the ticket.

P and L and B and K are all coming this weekend for aunty pesty's graduation and grandma 1's birthday party. I have a long list of things to do tomarrow.
Take M to school, have awards assembly and then go to chiropractor, stop by the store and get rasins and stuff for the party. Then go home and put it all together.

D has been working so hard, he is divorceing himself from the partnership of ATC, that has really been a mess. In three weeks we should have a new red barn in the front part of the property.
MIL is going to pay prime money to have a chain link fence "because it looks nicer than goat fence." to block off my driveway so that she can let her dog out.
Never mind that if she doesn't get a motorized gate that
I will have to drive to the gate,
get out,
open the gate,
get in my car,
drive 5 feet,
get out,
close the gate
and then get back in the car to drive to Dallas at 5:20 in the morning.
Add rain or cold weather.
Foul language will be spewing from my mouth every day and the gate will not be closed by me. I just know me.
Don't fence me in and don't block my way at 5:20 am on the way to work. I get cranky if I have to stop or anything other than Starbucks.

2007-05-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

I'm back. Did I ever say that I hate change? They changed the blogger stuff with google and I just didn't have time to figure out the new passwords and loggin stuff.

I am currently OFF CHEMO!!!!! It has been wonderful. Last month my CA 125 was back up to 110, but that is about what it had been. So Monday I get another CA 125 and another CAT scan. Everybody pray that I am still stable. At this point I am praying for the summer off chemo. Next weekend is mom's 75th birthday party, Niece finially graduates, and in June M is getting a happy un-birthday party. Her birthday is in the middle of christmas break so she doesn't get to have a big party. Then in July we are going to califonia to visit family and DisneyLand.

Took my billy goat today and he is now a wheather. King did really well, and he doesn't seem to be in pain or bothered by the surgery.

Just wanted to stay connected. TTFN

2007-03-21T15:03:00.000-07:00

YEA!!!!!!!!!
NO CHEMO HERE TODAY!!!!!!!!

Went to see Dr Stringer after a 10 week break from chemo and my counts dropped by 30 points. YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We did the no chemo dance in the office. I am scheduled for a baseline CT scan next wednesday and we are going to go month by month OFF CHEMO. YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

The past couple of months have been crazy.
Taking care of goats. I am now down to a manageable level of only 8 goats. I sent 8 to auction last weekend. (Didn't make any money. Look for a website along the lines of Penni's Pygmies coming soon.) If I don't get a website I may do a new blogg. I'll keep you posted.

M had spring break last week and we went to the movies, the Dallas Zoo and shopping.
Last weekend we went up to see B and K. Had a great time.

More laster gotta go.
TTFN

2007-02-14T13:33:00.000-08:00

It has been so long since I have blogged that they have changed everything.
Well, I have been super busy.

On January 11, I had 7 baby goats born. A couple of days later 2 died, and two were neglected by bad nannies. I couldn't bare to let thoses die so guess who has been feeding them? Yep, me and M, D and MIL. They are just about weaned. Then three days ago we had another baby goat born. I hope that's the last. I know have 19 goats. Anybody want baby goats? How about trading Mr Studdly for another billy? How about goat chops or goat stew?

Had my last visit with Dr S. My counts are still up and down, but stable, my ct scan was stable and my mugga scan was perfect. I do get a week off as my mouth has not recovered enough to get another dose of doxil.

Happy Valentines day!

Still Stable
Penni

2007-01-05T17:00:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year a little late.

Holidays just add to the list of all the things I've got to do.

Had a good christmas, M got lots of games and beads. P and L came with E and R. Had a great time. Everyone was sick or getting sick from everyone over christmas. Mom had bronchitis and hurt her back. It's still giving her fits.

M had her 7th birthday. She got to go spend $80.00. She took her time and got some great things.

I finally came down with the family cold. Stayed in bed all day saturday and Sunday. I have a brand new suit wear to church and I have yet to get to wear it.

Update on CA. my ca 125 last month was 104 down just a touch. Everything seems to be stable. Will see Dr S again on my birthday. I tried to get my B-day off , but Dr S. scheudule is full up, they are working me in as it is. I have Saturday and Sunday off, so we will have to celebrate over the weekend. It's suppose to be cold and icy.

M is selling girl scout cookies this year. I get to be cookie manager. I hope I'm up to the task.

Gotta go. TTFN

2006-11-29T15:44:00.000-08:00

First Photo is of the drunken male butterflys at the butterfly bar.

Second is the native butterfly of Grand Cayman.

Finally, my

"Change of Lattitude"

It was wonderful, HOT, and relaxing.

2006-11-29T14:42:00.000-08:00

I am back among the living. The past 5 days have not been good. I swear that when I had chemo this week, they slipped in the hard core chemo. I was so sick that my doc ordered steroids to get me thru it. It worked, I am at least out of bed and my bathrooms are clean.

D and I went on our first cruise. The ship, the ride and the whole experience was great.
Jamaica - the land and countryside was just beautiful. The people - they were overwhelming.
We took the Overland and Black river safari. They drive on the wrong side of the road, they go 50 to 60 miles per hour, and their road are narrow, and full of pot holes. They say "no problem", "ya man", and "ire man". It was scary on the ride, but the countryside was green, lush and all my house plants were growing wild along the road. That was sooo cool. I wish I could have brought plants home, but there was a ban on plants and flowers. When we got the river we saw three crocodiles, and lots of birds. We even saw a man in a home made canoe and he showed us his catch. Photos to come as soon as I get them off D's computor.

Then we saw the Butterfly Farm and beach of Grand Caymen. They drive on the wrong side of the road too, but they don't drive crazy. I have some great photos of the butterflys. Will try to up load some soon. I have a great photo of my "change of Lattitude" No beer, but I was drinking a fruit punch soda.

Cozumel was our great fun. We drove jeeps around the island and went to a Myan lighthouse ruin. Then we went on a mile long snorkal swim to the reef, we saw beautiful fish, and a sea turtle. They took up back to the real lighthouse and we climbed up the stair all the way up.
They feed up homemade real mexican fajitas with corn/wheat tortillas, boy was that a treat.

We had dinner with a great couple from Katie Tx. and we met so many fun and wonderful people. I hated to come home, but I did miss M. very much.

We loved it so much we bought a cruise vacation plan and we get two resort vacations too.
I 'm hoping to use one vacation resort for Disney world, I don't know about the other one.

Im going to try and post photos now.

TTFN

2006-10-31T11:59:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween!

Had my Dr appointment today. My CT scan is rock steady, no growth noted. And my CA125 is down to 106. Yea! I am taking this month off as a vacation. D and I will be heading out on our change of lattitude in a couple of weeks. We wandered all over Dallas looking for the scuba shop, finally found it and bought our snorkle stuff and an underwater camera so we can take pictures of the tropical fish. I can't wait.

Now for the sad news, found out today that S is off the wagon. He has gone missing since he left here. He has not paid his bills, has been evicted from his apartment and his mom found evidence. My heart is broken. He is 21, yet he still acts like he's 14. We don't know what to do. I had E track him down, but S still hasn't called us. We are just worried sick. We don't know how to get thru to him. We all make stupid mistakes, but this one is just too stupid to make twice.

Last night Canton had its halloween party for all the kids. M went as a black cat. She had so much fun. We sprayed black and red hair spray in her hair and face painted whiskers on her face. She and her friend played all the games and came home with a buck full of candy.

Well, hope you all have a great Halloween and TTFN.

2006-10-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

It is now fall in Texas, I have a beautiful couple of trees.
Not much going on here. Mom and Dad are getting ready for their cruise. I'm getting ready for Melissa to come over for a couple of weeks.
Went to Mineola and did the antique shoping thing with mom, dad, and MIL. I got a mailbox cover, christmas nic-nacs, and a new butterfly book.

I was hoping to get S. out here for a Dallas cowboy game, but I haven't heard from him. I listened to last nights game and decided that It was a good thing we didn't pay to see them.
I quite listening in the middle of the 2 quarter.

This week is Respiratory Care Week. Go Respiratory therapists all over the country.
My hospital is very lame. We have a popularity contest and the most popular wins a trip to confrence and the rest of us get cake and punch. We use Servo I 's all over the hospital and nothing from the rep, no lunches, no nic nacs, no candy, we were not even mentioned in the daily
news on the intranet. I'm very dissapointed. Even the nurses and Doc's haven't said "Happy RCP week." They make a big deal about nurses day. I guess I'll have to fill out the job satisfaction survey and let my dis-satisfaction known.

That's about all the ranting I can do. TTFN

2006-10-07T13:05:00.000-07:00

My computor is now up and working. Yea!!!! I did loose about 200 pictures due to technology.
From now on I will print and scrappbook all photos. (At least that is my goal.)
This month I have felt pretty good. Until yesterday around 4pm. I have now hit the bottom of fatigue, lethargy, and foggy head. I tried to go the work today. It took all my energy to take a shower. Slowly I will regain my energy. Next month I will postpone my chemo until after my cruise. I plan on feeling good and having energy to enjoy my real vacation. My real change of latitude.

Texas/OU game is on I wonder if B came to Dallas for the game. Maybe next year I could meet B and watch the game with him at the coton bowl. Of course I would have to root for Texas.

Well enough for now. TTFN

2006-10-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

My computor still is not working, maybe tomarrow. Had a good visit with Dr Stringer. Doxil is still working. My CA 125 is down to 120. Had chemo tuesday and I am feeling good today.

I am still trying to sort out the 2004 IRS headach. I filed under my name and it messed up the whole system.

D and I are going on a cruise in Nov. I can't wait. We are going to Jamaca, and Cosumel. I hope to go deep sea fishing, snorkling and We want to take a picture with (a change of Latitude) our feet up looking into the ocean on the beach with a bottle of Corona and a lime for our scrapbook.

Melissa is singing in a talent show friday. Michelle is doing jaz dance, David is sick with an ulcer and a cold, but his business is doing great.
More goats are pregnant, the cats are lazy, and MIL is looking for a germanshephard dog.

MIL house is finally done, only things left to do is the insulation in the attic and the front porch.
I haven't heard from Steven, I was hoping he would come back this month and see a Dallas cowboy game with me.

Thats all for now.

2006-09-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

My computor at home is still not working. M and S went home wednesday night.
S got most of MIL house done. MIL and S had a falling out. MIL naggs, S pushes buttons when he doesnt want to do things. Did I ever say I HATE DRAMA?
I had to come to work just to get some peace.

Michelle is taking jazz dance classes. She loves it. There are three 6-7 year old in her class. They are just beginning to get some coordination. I signed her up for Brownies (Girl Scouts) but I haven't heard which troop, dates or times yet. This Sunday we are to meet one of her friends at McD's for a little play time. We will see how I feel.

Not a lot going on next week, but I do need to get ready for our garage sale the end of the month. I am ready to get rid of everything. I get so tired of picking up and putting away.

Not much else to say. TTFN

2006-09-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

Have not been able to blog as my computor at home is sick and work has not allowed enough time to post.

Happy Labor Day weekend.

Went to see Dr Stringer friday. My ca 125 is up to 130, but I was also sick with a cold when my labs were drawn. My CT scan and exam are still stable. I will continue to do my Doxil this month and have another ca 125 in a couple of weeks. If my ca 125 is still climbing than I guess it will be time for a change.

Steven and Mark are here from albuquerque, Steven came to finish the kitchen cabnits and doors to the MIL house. Mark is here to fix computors. Lots of family this weekend.

This week I'm going to get M in girl scouts, and let her pick a dance class on thrusdays. Maybe that will keep her busy and keep her out of trouble.

Time to go to work again. TTFN

2006-08-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Had chemo monday. My CA 125 is down below 100, I felt great before, but like always I am now climbing out of the depth of fatigue. Ice and frozen fruit are my friends. Yeah for the schwans man. I have cleaned and painted and set up my rubberstamping/scrapbook/sewing room. It took alllllllll day, but it is now ready to play. I can't wait.

Our on going saga of the MIL shed: Scott worked for two hours this week, asked for gas money and had a fit when MIL said NO. It has been explained over and over again if he were to finish, he would get his money. Instead he throws a fit. He is now fired. We will get a real contractor to finish, and if there is any money left he may get some. We have waited on this guy for over 4 months to finish this job, if he would have worked more than two hours a week he would have been finished and paid. Some people just set themselves up to fail. Either that or he thought he could milk us for all our money. What he didn't know is he did. We have no money. We may live in the country in a nice house with land, but I work my ass off to pay for it.

Monday is back to school for M. We met her teacher and bought all the school supplies. The going to bed early and getting up early is going to be a problem. I hope to help this year at school, but who knows how I'm going to feel.

Nothing new going on at work. Just hanging around. TTFN

2006-08-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

My house is now 99% back to being mine. This week I have Chemo, so I don't have to work again until next saturday. I will be cleaning my house, moving things around and setting up my craft/destress room. M wants to change rooms. We may do that I don't know yet. My goats are in heaven. D has a booth at First Monday right next to the "Swiss Peeler" guy. We get all the peeled veggies and fruit scraps. My babie goats are growing so much. My cats have gotten sprayed by the neighborhood skunk and Tigger was yeowling at it this morning at 5 am. I made both cats come in, I don't know if I have to give another tomatoe paste bath tonight.
One more week and M is in school. The summer has just gone by. This year has been so stressful. I hope this fall will be better. I really hate drama.
Well, I have fixed all my broken babies, and its time for lunch. They floated me today to the 12th floor, (the penthouse). TTFN

2006-07-29T15:04:00.000-07:00

Life is slowly getting back to "normal" (whatever that is). MIL house is STILL not done, but MIL moved into it anyway and Scott Shaw is going to get fired. He has worked 4 hours in the last two weeks. I have most of my house and garage back, but my house is so dirty. Monday when I am home I will start the cleaning process. I may have to get a dump truck to get rid of all the junk and trash. I have painted most of my bedroom and I have started working on the curtains, I now have a head board and will make a new bedspread later next week. I wil post pictures when it is all done. Then I will get to set up and move into my new craft room. Gone will be the days of pulling out my sewing machine and then put it away, or pull out my rubberstamps and put them away. I spend all my time getting things out and putting away that it's not any fun.

I can't believe summer is almost over. M will be starting school in two weeks. I think we both will be happier.
Thursday I fought with M for 4 hours trying to get her to clean her room. I finally had to clean it and I filled two large trashbags of stuff and put them in the garage. If she can be good and not argue until school starts she earns back what is not trash. At this point It may all go in the trash toys, clothes, photos, shoes, books and all.
The good news is that she is playing with her barbie dolls now.

Well, time to go. TTFN

2006-07-08T14:46:00.000-07:00

Blog monster heard me, when I posted my last comments it posted my previouse blog too.

2006-07-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

We went to the new water park yesterday. It was so fun. M fell just as we were getting ready to leave and scraped her leg. We went home and M went to play with a friend. I took a nap.
Had a date with hubby and went to see a movie. We say Superman.
I have been paying for playing today. I am sooooo tired and very little to do. It's ok. I don't mind being slow. It will pick up again this week.

I had a great blog the other day, but the blog monster ate it. I tried to publish my post, but it didn't make it.

Had a great time with family this past week and had a great 4 th of July. We played, and sat right under the fireworks. It was impressive. Even M still talks about being under the fireworks.

MIL house is almost done, MIL is moving this week.
Goats are doing well, haven't spent time with them this week, so much going on.
Aunty Pesty is staying with Grandma1 so she can help with Grandpa and M. I was looking into a GED class or High School diploma. We may have to wait until this fall.

CA125 is down to 101, but CT scan is worse, so we will get another scan in two months. No bad side effects this month and my energy level has been higher. I have not lost any weight for the past four months. I'm trying to be good this week, but I have not been too successful so far.

That's about all the news. TTFN

2006-07-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

We had the best fireworks display in Canton last night.
We were right across from the platform and the fireworks were directly above us.
D. took some great photos, we may even take them the to newspaper.

Saw Dr Stringer, my CA125 is down again to 101, but the CT scan looked worse. We are just hoping it was the CT scan quality. We will do another one in two months. I postponed Doxil until next wednesday, so I could spend time with P, L and M. M. has decided to stay for a few weeks and help with my M, and grandpa.

MIL house not done yet. Not news, but appliances are coming today and ready or not she is moving next week. It has been a long process. We are very disappointed in the quality of contractors in East TX.

Just giving an update, will blog more later. TTFN

2006-07-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

I just had the best GREEN chili rellenos from NM. Nice and spicey. Oh how I miss the smell of green chili roasting or just baking. Yes I know I will pay for it later, but oh it was soo good.
Thankyou so much greekshadow for green chili. My bro and family are here from NM. I hope they had fun today at 1st Monday in Canton.

MIL house is almost done. Lights are getting put up, but there is still a lot of work this guy has to do by the end of today. We will see.

I have new paint for my bedroom, I have great plans for my RUBBERSTAMPING/Craft room.
And I am going to re-do my home theator room. Lots to do, just need to get MIL settled and time to do it.

I will be seeing Dr Stringer Monday. Hope CA 125 is still down, and will find out CT scan and Mugga scan turned out. I'm going to postpone chemo for one week so I can enjoy the 4th and my family. I'm so glad that my family doesn't like a lot of drama. We can sit and talk, play uno and enjoy company without anyone having hurt feelings, or acting out.

I hope everyone has a SAFE 4th of July. TTFN.

2006-06-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

Call me crazy, but why is the media so hush hush about North Korea?
North Korea has a nuclear missle that they could launch, we sit back and treat them like a 2 year old. "Now don't throw that, or you will get in trouble..."
North Korea's not stupid. They are sitting over there laughing at us.
Are we so arrogant to really believe this?

Am I the only one that has RED FLAG! SCARRY! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! going off in my head? In reading a news brief the "starwars" anti missle missles are not operational (guess that was a BIG waist of money.) Yet, they have activated them in Alaska. I have family living on the west coast, not to mention all the fall out. And all we are doing is saying please don't shoot?
Please tell me what is wrong with this picture.

I'm at work, doing well, gatta go. TTFN

2006-06-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

We have twin baby goats. Rachel had them june 15th sometime in the afternoon. They are tiny, and a little shaky, but they are doing well. As soon as I have time I will put pictures on the blog.

MIL worked it out with contractor and he is acutually working. He finished the painting and started on the flooring.

Stress is still high, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm so tired of being a peace keeper. I find myself yelling at M for things that I normally wouldn't if I could raise her the way I want to. I'm so tired of feeling like a horrible mom and my daughter is going to grow up the be a serial killer. I mean afterall her father was more responsible at the age of 5 than she is at 6.
Or you know she is just not as mature as a six year old should be. I want to know why a 6 year old needs to be mature? I think she's too mature. She can argue as well as any politician. She just wants to be loved, accepted and she wants someone to play with.
I'm tired of being talked about behind my back.

Yesterday M and I had our day. Of course it didn't start out too well. M decided that Tiger needed a hair cut. At least she was honest and saved his whiskers. We went to the Tea Room for lunch, then walked around the square. M wanted to go see a movie, but I wasn't into Garfield, so we went to Lowes and I bought room organizer stuff, we went home and put it all together and cleaned her room. Her stuffed animals are now on two shelves in her room, her hanging plant is up, and she has a new dresser (of sorts).

I can't wait until I can paint my bedroom, fix it up and then set up my craft room. I have so many ideas. I also can't wait for an empty house. I feel like I live in a junk shop.

One of these days I will be back to my purky self. TTFN

2006-06-13T13:52:00.000-07:00

STRESS, DRAMA, STRESS,DRAMA,STRESS DRAMA.

New Mexico is called the land of Manana. Texas is the land of the stupid redneck contractors that can only work two fricken hours a week, lie like a rug, and piss me off.

I have tried to stay out of it and let D and his mom take care of everything, but when S got dragged in and then for him to go home with a fraction of what he needs to live on, that really makes me angry. I will take care of S, but I will extract my pound of flesh.

It is a very good thing that peace and quiet will follow for a while, I have been very over stimulated with all the company and the stress of this STUPID FREAK that must be on crack to think that I will continue to put up with all this and not feel obligated to inform all of East TX what a slime bucket this poop head is. I think I will take a nice picture so I can put some adds in the papers warning anyone wanting work done to stay away.

The chemo this month has been decreased, so my side effects are alot better. Good thing, if I had felt as bad as last month... lets just say there might have been a person buried next to my sam goat in the back yard. I'm not prone to violence or even confrontation, but

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

I do feel better this evening, I have worked, fought death for another day, and played with babies. I just hope that I have water this evening to take a shower.

I lived in NM for 40 years, had water the whole time. I move to East TX, we have a little drought and they panic, turn down the water pressure to a trickle and then have the balls to say well its a drought what do I expect. I EXPECT WATER AT 5 FRICKEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING AND ENOUGH WATER PRESSURE TO FLUSH THE TOILET DAMN IT!

Now that my blood pressure is back to normal, sorry for the blast. TTFN

2006-05-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

Well, we made it through PE tubes. M sailed thru with flying colors. She lost another tooth, so the tooth fairy came again. She say's her ears burp now and it tickles. I guess her ears haven't poped in a while. She went to the last day of school and played really hard. She has now passed to the first grade.

I just want everyone to know that my "most likely to have CP, be deaf and blind" child is reading at first grade third term level. She is in the top 85% in reading for all kindergarten children nation wide (per the ITBS test) and she is excelling in math. It just goes to show that MD's can be wrong!

The saga of the MIL shed. The contractor has spent a total of 6 hours working this week. MIL and I went over and started painting the bathroom thursday. Contractor came and just about had a baby cow, we were hoping maybe it would get him working more, but I guess not. MIL called Steven to come out and help next weekend, I hope he can. I'm ready to fire this contractor and move on, but he's the only one that can finish the kitchen cabnits. If he doesn't start working more, we will probably start painting the bedroom, and lay the tile in the bathroom this weekend. We are all going crazy.

Still no baby goat, the cats are same , and Sadie has come to visit. Sadie is the cat and goat entertainment. They just watch her. Sadie thinks all the cats and goats want to play. She has had more fun chasing them. Sadie does real well herding the goats, Alice tries to butt Sadie, so far Sadie has been fast enough to get out of the way.
Well, that's all the news I can think of. TTFN

2006-05-23T14:16:00.000-07:00

Finally some good news.

My CA125 is down to 111, my red blood cells are back up to normal levels (no shots!) and the area in question is shrinking. Yea!!!!

I want to thank everyone praying for me. The prayers are working.

I am taking a two week break from chemo so I my body can get more back to normal, and so we can get M's PE tubes.

MIL shed is still under construction. This guy doing it is doing too many other things and is not focusing on fisishing. He finally came today to do some painting. I hope he stays and gets some stuff done. We are all going crazy. No one can find anything and the house is a mess. Even when we clean, there is just no room to put things away. I will be very happy when I get my house back and can spread all my junk around, clean out my closets and re-decorate.

Still no baby goat yet. Rachel is very pregnant, maybe by June? Jinglebell is walking around very stiffly, he is such an old goat I worry about him, I'm not sure how much longer we will have him. Joseph has become part of the herd, he plays and butts everyone and is even getting along well with Alice (Alpha mama.) The cats are getting along as well as can be expected. And this weekend we will have Sadie. What a zoo. Sadie will have to stay outside, but I think I know a place to put her on the chain so that she will have grass, shade and not a lot to tie her up.

D and I went to the mall today and we were looking at all the animals in the pet shop. The bunnies and guiney pigs caught my eye. There were puppies, and kittens (2 just like my tiggr) and they had put 2 ferrets in with the guiney pigs to clean out their cage and they were biting the guiney pigs, so we helped take the ferrets out and put them in cages. My heart said bring home the guiney pigs, my brain said oh no way...... to many animals at home, and M would moll the poor thing to death. Good thing I'm broke, one looked just like Goldie. Poor D, love me , love all my animals. Steven and Michelle are crazy about animals too.

Steven called the other day and he has rottwiller/shepherd puppies. They are going to be hairy and HUGE, but they should be even tempered and loyal.

Time to get ready for Weight watchers. I have lost 16 pounds. Dr Stringer is very pleased, he just doesnt want me to loose too fast. I can fit into my clothes and when I don't have chemo side effects, I feel better. I only have 20 more pounds to loose.

Pray for a CURE! TTFN

2006-05-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

This has not been a good month for me.
Chemo really got me this month, extreme fatigue, mouth sores and I re-arranged my schedule at work so I could have some days alone with my husband. I got sick. Then he got sick, MIL is sick and M is going to have PE Tubes placed next week.
Some months just need to be over. The MIL shed is still not done, the guy working on it is hardly working. I think everyone is just a little frustrated over the whole thing.

I'm going to take a two week break from Chemo just to get over this month and get M well.

I've been reading everyone's bloggs.
I think sometime after schools out and M is feeling better Grandma is going to take her to see Over the Hedge movie.

For the poor man that had to sell dope to pay for his wifes cancer treatment. It is a very sad commentary on our society that a loving man has to sell his soul to save his wife. If they are that poor why is she not fully covered by Medicaid? There needs to be some support for adults with catastrophic illnesses. There is a lot of money for children, but for adults there is nothing.
I guess it is only a matter of time before only the wealth will be able to afford Cancer treatments. I know that if I had not had insurance, we would not beable to afford my care.

Anyway gotta run: TTFN

2006-05-03T14:07:00.000-07:00

Had Chemo last week and have been very apathetic and lethargic.
No new news. Everything is status Quo. MIL has been gone to PA, the cats are laying around, and the goats are eating.

We did have a big wind on Saturday. Our First Tornado Warning and D turned off the radio in his sleep. I thought it was just a big thunderstorm warning, but we did have a big blow and 3 1/8" rain. Power went out and I had a sore throat so I didn't go to work, which was a good thing as a Tornado Hit Canton on First Monday trades day weekend.
Hit the middle of town and got the Ace Hardware, Fire dept, and lots of trees fell on houses. No -one hurt, just a big mess. D and M slept thru it. Our house is fine and only the tree in the field that had a dead limb had any damage. Our neighbor had a limb fall down, but not on his house.
D and M got on the roof and we had only minor damage. Not enough to pay any deductibles.

Went to Tyler last night for our 13th wedding anniversary dinner. It was nice to have an evening all to ourselves. M was at grandma and grandpa's. She loves that Sadie. Poor Sadie, M just malls her around.

Things going on this month.
M has to get some dental work, and have PE tubes put in her ears.
I have to have a tooth fixed, have chemo and MIL comes back saturday.
D is going to a confrence in San Antionio and is working on another joint busness venture.
Baby goat this month?
Was hoping to go the Denver in June, but all our money is going to the dentist and surgeons.
We still need to get a D's car fixed and the trooper fixed.
If it's not one thing its 20 all in one month.

I've rambled all I can for now. TTFN

2006-04-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

What is a life but a story to be told. Here is a cute story of the other night.

I was puttering around the house, Katie (MIL cat) was trying very hard to get into the pantry. I didn't pay too much attention, as she likes to get into cabnits and my pantry. I must have walked over or around her a dozen times. My cats were lounging in varies parts of the house, tigger on the couch in the den, Ginger on the floor over by the laundry room under the kitchen table. Katie was just going crazy scratching under the door. Last year we had a small mouse in the pantry sooo, I thought maybe again we had a critter. I opened the pantry door and Katie inspected all the waters, sodas, papertowels, and trash bags. When I picked up the trashbags Katie and I found a tailless blue tail lizzard scurrying around. Katie was having a blast playing with it, she chased it out of the panty into the kitchen, into the living room by the fireplace. In the meantime my cats decided to get into the game of "Live Lizzard in the House." Only no one was catching it, they were just chasing it all around my house. I finally had to catch it myself. I of course had to show it to M. and D. M. wanted to keep it in a glass jar. We let it go outside, I think Tigger or Ginger finally caught it and ate it later.

It's been a little more quite around here this week. Went through M's clothes and got rid of the too small clothes, winter clothes and pulled out the shorts and tees. My daughter has a vast wardrobe. I think she is set for the whole summer and fall. Other than that we are just waiting upon Rachel to have a baby goat any week now. (This will make #10.)

It rained today and everything was so fresh and GREEN. I love GREEN in my fields. TTFN

2006-04-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone had a happy Easter.
Went to the local Catholic service with MIL, very melloncolly. I was hoping for high energy, rejoicing. So in my heart I sing "Up from the grave he arose..." and " Hallehleuha".
Oposite to my brother, I love Easter. It is the reason for rejoiceing. Because he died and arose I can live. He paid the price for sin. He is ALIVE. I SERVE a RISEN SAVIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also,
It's Spring, the flowers are blooming, the grass is green,
the one time a year I will shave my legs, wear hose, put on a dress, paint my nails and my face.
My daughter got 4 brand new dresses, new shoes and will let me put bows in her hair.
Time with family, and any excuse to over indulge in CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!

Well, I'm at work and OR is calling. TTFN

2006-03-28T18:01:00.000-08:00

Good news. The cancer is stable, not growing and Doxil is still keeping it undercontrol.
Soooo I keep the chemo I'm on and my schedule and I don't have to change my life around.
Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for all the prayers. They are working.

Liberty-my first goat got out of the pen. Sill don't know how he did it (twice). The guy that is working on grandma's shed found him yesterday on the side of the freeway. I'm so glad he got Liberty in the main fence. He's and old wheather goat and more of a pet, so he won't become goat meat. We did open the front part so they have more room to graze, but when the storage sheds go up they won't beable to go up front. Have to find out how Liberty is getting out.

It's coming up First Monday trades day this weekend. My little town has quadrupled in people.
And I have lost a total of 12 pounds in 12 weeks. Which is good, they don't want me to loose too much too fast. And my skinny clothes fit again. Yea!! And I have curly hair that needs taming.
So far the blessings are adding up this week.
I'm now going to bed. TTFN

2006-03-26T16:43:00.000-08:00

When it rains it pours!
Weekend before last it poured. Hubby got sick, M got sick, Dallas was flooded and the CVICU had water damage to 4 rooms. This past week has been sooooo crazy. Monday took D to the doctors, he was given nebs and steroids. Tuesday worked, Wednesday took M to ENT doc for hearing test-because the school said she failed that test, M has fluid behind both ears and is now on antibiotics and we get to go back in May to see if the fluid is gone and if to redo the hearing tests. If the fluid is not gone M gets tubes. (oh joy.) Went to work thursday, I HATE working with whinny "I can't do my job" people. Friday I woke up to D rumbling in his lungs, so back to the docs we went. This time I made sure I was in with him and that we saw our Doc. I streached the truth and told them that the bronchitis he had monday and no antibiotics had now turned into pnuemonia. They took a chest xray, and he did have pneumonia. Good thing I'm pushy. D got a shot and pills. He is doing better today, but still tires easy and gets short of breath easy. Tomarrow he has installs that have been put off for two weeks.
All this week has been a sense of anticipation for Cancer doc appointment tuesday. I will find out if the ct scan shows growth or not and we have to decided what new chemo to start on. I feel like the jaws theme playing in the background. Just when I get my work and life schedule figured out, this stupid cancer changes everything. Through the grapevine, my chemo hospital has an opening in NICU for weekends and get paid for fulltime dayshift. If I know how I was going to react to chemo, I'd jump at it, but again my life is on hold. This is really anoying!!!

All the cats are finally getting along. The goats are doing ok, Liberty got out of the pen today- can't figure out how. G shed is now more of a little house, and should be done and ready for her to move into by the middle of April. I get my rubberstamping/scrapbooking room next month. I can't wait, all my rubberstamps where I can get to them and I won't have to put them away if I don't want to. My projects can stay out until they are done, and noone to mess them up. I can just shut the door. YEAH!
Rubberstamping and Sudoku are keeping me sane.
TTFN

2006-03-16T15:43:00.000-08:00

Well, we lived thru all the company. Mom-in-law here with her two cats, they are slowly getting to know my two cats, brother in law only had one so we didn't have all 7 only 5, but his cat was young and scarred so they didn't get along with her. Brother in law and family came by on their way to San Fansisco to live for the next three years. I will miss them. M had a great time with her cousins. Still working on "Grandma's Shed" hopefully it will be finished enough in a month she can live in it. I was sick all weekend with a stomach bug, even mom had the bug. M has had a cold/allergies/grumpies. M and I went to Tiger Creek today. It is a refuse for tigers here in east TX. I just love that place. M's favorite was Mowgli, mine was the huge pure Siberian tiger. As soon as I figure out my digital camera and computor picutures will be posted.
TTFN.

2006-03-05T16:34:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened since I last posted.
The tooth fairy has come again to our house.
I have had another round of chemo, but it will most likely be the last of the doxcil.
My counts are going up. I will get another CT scan in a couple of weeks and then we have to decided what to do. I do hope that it is still stable and not really growing. Dr Stringer is so sweet, he asked me how I did it. Family, work and cancer. I told him the truth, I only think about the cancer once/twice a month. Life does not stand still just because of cancer.
This month I have had to think about it more and it makes me mad. I can't fix it, it doesn't help to worry. So it may sound silly, but as Scarlett would say "...oh fiddle dee dee, I'll think about it tomarrow."

It has taken soul searching and tears while driving from Dallas to Canton, but I have decided that this cancer is a paracite, God did not have anything to do with it, it just happened. God can give a scientist the answers and the cures so I pray for our researchers everynight. I also pray the greed, politics and the government will not stand in the way of scientific advancement. I pray for my doc as he has to put up with my questions and tears. To those that think that God does things...he created us, but we created the caos in our lives and cancer comes from stress and caos we created. There is no one to blame for my cancer accept my DNA and RNA, stress factors, and life. God just allows us to make the freedom of choice.

God does not cause a hurricaine, earth does and the scientists that predict can only warn us. If we do not hear or heed the warning it is our fault each and every man, women and child. Not just the political leaders.
I have a storm shelter, if the warning for a tornado goes out and I decided to sit on my porch I take the risk. I have that freedom of choice. God is not going to move the tornado or me. LIFE HAPPENS.

In the meantime...my life is going to be turned upside down and cockeyed.
Wednesday my mother-in-law comes to live with us, in our house with 2 cats until her house in the shed is completed. This next weekend my brother-in-law and family with 3 cats and 3 silly girls are coming to visit on their way to California where he has been transfered.

Yes we will have 7 cats, 9 goats and one poor beta fish, with 9 people for the weekend. Lord help us all.
I have tried to cat proof my home, but I am sure more will be needed to really cat proof it.

I will miss Kevin and Tracy as they more to CA. But, Albuquerque is on the way to visit.
We went to First Monday this weekend. I love it. Walk around look at junk, treasure and eat food. David got an indian flute, I got butterfly ceramic tiles, M got a stuffed unicorn that neighs, and I got a candle for my beach/lighthouse room.

Life gets pretty busy around here I'll blog more later. TTFN

2006-02-16T13:19:00.000-08:00

The tooth fairy has come to our house. M lost her very first baby tooth in a chocolate covered strawberry. Only we can't find the tooth. It was most exciting.

Other than that not much is going on. I'm taking care of 3 kids and 4 babies, ECMO excitement in the cath lab, and lots of therapy. Morale is still very low, pay cuts, people leaving, staff unhappy. It's time for my yearly eval and no one is even talking to me about it. Last year it was a big deal to get everything done by February 1. Different manager, our hospital wants to be magnet status, but they haven't a clue how to do it right.

Anyway, I just take care of my babies, love them and keep on keeping on. I am soooo glad I am not in management. I like being an indian. As long as they leave me alone so I can do my job.

Gotta go TTFN

2006-02-14T12:24:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day!

I have shrimp cocktails, and angel food cake with strawberries and sugar free cool whip all ready for this evening with my loving husband and sweet daughter. And I even made (not on weight watchers) Dark chocolate covered strawberries.

Now I can't wait until this evening. In the mean time : M has had her jump roping for he heart today, she is doing very well at jump roping. I went and got my labs drawn and my hemoglobin booster shot. I have been asking about another patient that has ovarian ca, her last blogg stated that she had gone on to Hospice December 15th, we hadnt heard anything until today. Hospice called and let my Doc know that she had died yesterday.

Virginia was diagnosed a month before I was. We had the same stage III c. We had different treatments because she didn't know she had cancer until she went for the hysterectomy. I knew it was most likely cancer and went to Dr Stringer for the surgery.
Virginia was so much fun. She always had a smile on her face, and whitty remark and her husband of only two years was the love of her life. She loved to travel and visit her grand babies and children. She even took a break from chemo and went to Greece. She loved to go out to dinner with her friends and enjoyed life to the fullest. I could only hope that I could love life as much as she did. She was a do-er. She didn't sit back and watch life go by, she lived life.
Virginia you are my inspiration. I will miss you sooo very much.
Her story is at www.mypathtorecovery.com

2006-02-13T16:46:00.002-08:00

Not much going on. Had the weekend off for the first time in ages and acutually cleaned house. Well, only part it took 4 hours to unload clutter and clean the kitchen. I don't know why everything piles up in the kitchen? OMG the floor was a nightmare. M helped put stuff away and she has kept her room mostly picked up for two weeks. Her bed has been dry for 4 nights. Just a little yelling and no tv works wonders. Met mom and dad at a state park/lake yesterday. It was cold and windy, but we saw beavers, geeses and wild ducks. I tried to feed the ducks, but they flew away. We will have to go back when it is warm and rent boats and let M play. Maybe this year we will all get fishing poles and take up fishing. I was M's age when I went to gramma and grampa's for the summer. I loved fishing and camping out. My grandpa was the best fisherman around. Grandma wasn't in to fishing, she mostly read or croched, or we played dominoes or cards. I'm so glad my daughter and my stepson have had time with grandparents, I think it really makes a difference. When M gets mad at us for being mean, she is always going to run away to grandma's.
Gatta go back to work. TTFN.

2006-02-13T16:46:00.001-08:00

2006-02-13T16:46:00.000-08:00

2006-02-06T12:43:00.000-08:00

Well, last week was a long week. Had Chemo, Steven came to visit and to work on the Mother-in-law house. Wish he could have stayed another couple of weeks. I've been reading other books by Anne McCaffrey. We watched to bowl game. I think Seattle played better than Pitsburg, but the refs were biased. Pitsburg had about 10 good plays, which was enough to win the game. Mic and his band are looking OLD, Mic never really had a voice, but the band has always been great. Don't you just hate commentators that ramble when everything is about to get started? Or they ramble when the game is over? I could care less about whatever it is they are saying. Show us what is going on and get out of the way.

Mom and Dad got a new puppy, looks alot like Hector, Charlie and Cleo. Her name is Sadie and she is a bundle of engery. I hope they can keep up with her. M. loves her and wants to go over and play all the time.

My political comment for the year is "It's time for another Boston Tea Pary!" Or a Revolution!
Enough is enough!
Gas is too expensive and the oil companies are raking in the Billions.
Electricity is too expensive, and Taxes are higher now than in the 1770's and England was taxing the colonies. The politicians are making up the rules as they go along, and there is no justice in this country. Now we are sacrificing our country so we can continue to fight a war that was a lie from the very begining. Medicare cuts, Medicaid cuts, the cost of health insurance is staggering, if this continues we will all be in a worse depression than 1932. Or will we go all the way back to the Lords and the Surfs? Rich and poor, who will pay the taxes? the poor? I can't believe that we have let this current president crumble our United States for we are no longer united and we have all fallen. My heart breaks for my daughter, this land that I love is now run by a dictator, liar, and murder.
These are just my rantings. I claim the FREEDOM of SPEACH, the FREEDOM of independant thought and my right to rant on my blog. (I have sensored some of my rantings to keep it rated G.)

2006-01-24T12:26:00.000-08:00

This is Alice the mama and her last baby Rachel.

Alice came to us from a local vet, she has had three babies only two living. Hopefully she will have more. She is a good mama, she is also the alpha mama of the herd. As of this am she is in the shed to give the new billy a chance of establishing rank in the the herd.

2006-01-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

I wish the electric companies would just take blood. Not that I even have that to give to them.
I can't get over how expensive electricity is. We used less than last year and I paid three times as much this year. I really hate being screwed when I conserve. It really pisses me off!!!!!
Between property taxes, house payment and the electric bill we are broke. I haven't even got my check yet, and we are broke. I make damn good money, how do people do it on minimum wage? OK so they don't own a huge house in the middle of nowhere on 5 acres. Ok so I chose this house in this small town so I could drive 70 miles one way to work instead of 110. No I don't want to even think of moving to Dallas, and no there are no hospitals in east texas that I'd want to work. I'm set in my ways. I don't want to take care of grumpy old people, I'm grumpy enough, I want to take care of babies,& children.
Whew! Now that I got that out of my head, I feel much better. Sorry for unloading, but did I tell you how I hate being screwed by the electric company? Good thing the sun is shining and it's warm out side.

Now for my goat saga. We put billy goat in with the other goats today. He is doing much better, no limping and he is even a little cocky. We did put big bad mama goat Alice in the shed so the billy would have a chance. It was fun watching to other goats welcome back Rachel the baby. They were all so excited. If I can figure out where the pictures are I will put them on the blog.
More later. TTFN

2006-01-18T14:03:00.000-08:00

Very interesting reading out in blog land. Still a lot of life/death issues.
Lots to think about.
Now for the questions of life.

I have pondered this question since I was 5.
Why am I here NOW? What is so special about 1963 to present date?
Why this era in time? Why not the 1500's or 2400's?
I have always felt that something monumental would happen in my life time.
We have had many monumental events, I just wonder if more are comming.

Well, that's about all the deep thinking this used to be blond can handle.

I lost .4 lbs this past week on weight watchers, yeah! The oncologist RN is happy that I am eat better. My lovely daughter was mad at her daddy and even me yesterday, but hopefully, she will learn that to keep her toys she must clean her room. We started valentine cards for her class, we actually got 10 done. Not bad for a 6 year old. (We had to do it in two phases, and mommy helped with the last 5.)
Gotta go to work. TTFN

2006-01-16T14:11:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks have been crazy.
Had chemo, side effects are not so bad, but I am drinking more water and mom and I started Weight watchers so I'm eating better.
Work has been horrible.
I have gone from an extrodinary hospital to an ordinary nothing special hospital.
I have gone from 5 to 7 critically ill patients to 8 to 12, with little to no help. The nurses are leaving in droves, the clin techs are all leaving, and we are short 8-12 RCP's. I had decided to go talk to Baylor tuesday when I get my labs drawn. I'll see what they have, I hate leaving here when they have all be so good to me, but the reasons for driving 70 miles one way are no longer enough. Even the cost of insurance has exceeded any raise I could even hope for.
We had a meeting today with the head of RT and the CEO. I really don't know if they are listening. We shall see. I have survived new directors and new CEO's, but they have broken the uniqueness of the hospital.

Anyway, Had a good birthday. Went out to dinner for steak and veggies, and got a facial. It took forever and I think the lady thought I was 14. I even told her I want quick and easy, I won't do 20 steps to be beautiful, she still went through 100 steps. I don't think so.
I got the basic skin care and a sample color pallet. I get up way to early to put makeup on to come to work, and the goats don't care if I'm glammerous or not.

Speaking of goats. I rescued a poor little billy from the Trades day First Monday. Poor thing was sitting under birds, was carried like a suit case, and then beaten up by my very baddly behaved goats. He was limping, then Alice (Alpha nanny) bulldozes him into the fence, I heard him cry, so we had to separate him from the herd. Ended up taking him to the vet. Found out that he had been sold twice at market (sticker adhesive still stuck on his coat) and he had pneumonia, the vet showed me how to give antibiotic shots, and his right shoulder is brused, so he got shots for that. Now I can beat children and doctor goats. (isn't that special.) He is now perky, looking for a way out of the barn, but still won' t put weight on the right leg. I'll have to call the vet. I hope this little guy will live long enough to become the billy.

Well, that should catch everyone up. TTFN

2006-01-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Happy New Years!!!

Although, my all time favorite classic movie is: "To Kill a Mockingbird."

I used to ask my mom everynight if Scout was going to be on tv again. I got to watch only a part yesterday before my daughter and husband demanded my attention. I can't wait to go home and watch it on my DVR. Gatta love that satillite. TTFN

2005-12-31T13:40:00.000-08:00

It's the end of another year. Hoped to be in remission by now, but the cancer had other plans. I will be on Doxil for awhile. Had one month of Taxol and all my hair fell out. "Hair across Texas..." It has now come back, not very long, I do try to poof it, but my husbands not to crazy about it when I try to be creative. I would love to bleach my hair white if I could look like Annie Lennox. I just love her music. My husband wants me to look more feminine I guess.

Went to OK and had a fabulous time at my neice's wedding, It was beautiful, fun and a great festive time. E and R came, talked E into going back to Albu. with my bro for a while. Hope he thinks very hard about going back to D. (She is prego with another guys baby, and they are not divorced yet. drama,drama, drama.)
Went to Alaska this year. More pictures to come. That was beautiful. Started construction on the shed to turn it into a small apartment for mom-in-law.

My goats had 5 babies (4 living) and we had to burry Sam the billy. He was a bad billy, he wouldn't stay in his yard, and he was abusive to his kids. Just got another 6month old billy. I hope this scrawnee little billy can hold his own until he's billy enough for the girls. Right now it looks like he's on the bottom of the pecking order. (Must be last to be first?)
I couldn't believe how they treated him. They just tied his back feet to one front foot and carried him like a suitecase when they put him in my car. I broke my heart. I lifted him out of my car and carried him to the hose to wash off the bird poop and clean him up a bit before I introduced him to the pack. My goats are very spoilt, I treat them like pets, they are named, groomed, loved (if they will let me) and fed bits of chips, crackers, carrots and stuff. So far Grey, one of the babies still wont get to close, and now this new one he's scared to death. (Goats HATE water.) Oh well, he will get used to me in the long run if he wants treats.

Work has gone well this year. They have really worked with my schedule and my being off for chemo and they even helped alot with finances and gifts. I'm so glad I work for a group that has taken care of me. I don't what I would do if they didn't. Most of my kids have done well this year. Not all have done as well as I'd hoped and 5 or 6 have died. (Only 2 did I get close to.)
I try not to get too close, but sometimes I just fall in love with them and thier families. I've made some good work friendships this year, and I'm trying to get to know some of the families in Canton.
I'm going to miss Kathy, my next door neighbor, I was hoping we could keep each other going for a while. M. is going to miss the girls, they have gone to live with thier other grandparents.

My year has been about Chemo, Goats, C. getting married, my family, construction, and mostly work. I feel like most of my life is centered around work.

Blessings this year: My daughter. My husband. I have a good job. My cancer is under control. I have 9 goats, 2 cats and one beta fish named Red.

Happy New Year and DON'T DRINK and DRIVE!!!! (Unless you are an organ donar.)

2005-12-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

This past week has been really manic.

Last Saturday my next door neighbor lost her battle with pancreatic cancer. She was only 54, worked as a nurse and raised 4 kids. Breaks my heart and scares me a lot. I know that her CA was a very agresive, non treatable type, but still it was cancer. We went to her "viewing" my daughter wanted to know why we had to go see Kathy when she was already in heaven.
I told her that was a good question, that we were going to say good-bye and to hug Rebel and Austin if they were there. She was soo good. She hugged Rebel and said she was going to miss his nana, and then she hugged Mr Neil and Julie (Reble's mom). I'm so glad I have a compasonate daughter. We didn't get to go the the funeral as I am doing the one day work and on day off until the end of the year. I've check on Neil and he seems to be holding up ok.

Work OMG, It has been soooooooo crazy. My chronic OHT got sick and needed therapy Q1, as well as another new one decided he needed surgery now, and every ICU bed in the hospital was full. By thrusday I was worn out, and one of my long term babies died, it was the straw that broke my back. When I found out she had died, I tried to go say good-bye to her and her mom and dad, but they had already gone. No time to cry, no time to mourn, had 5 other babies and a boat load of treatments. I cried all the way home. Her funeral was saturday, again I was at work getting my but kicked with a ton of therapy.
This season the hospital did not prepare for RSV season. We don't have the extra RN's we are short RCP's and for some crazy reason we have had several babies born with heart defects. Today has been better, babies are getting better and moving to the floors, one of my kids got a new heart for christmas, and my sick chronic kids are getting better.
Had an earlie christmas with M and D. M came in at 7am crying that Santa didn't bring her what she had asked for in her letter. She said that the stockings were fell down and he didn't bring her anything. We got up and started opening presents. After all were opened, she finally agreed that santa did come and she got everything accept the kitty foot messager from walmart. I had to explain that santa doesn't always give us everything. Mom and Dad came for breakfast, more presents and dinner. Mom and Dad got a new dog, so we had to go and see her. Cute, but very scared. D. got sick after breakfast so he slept most of the day. Had a nice relaxing day. Watched Star Wars III, ate, ate somemore, watched M's movie and went to bed.
I am hoping that this week will be better at work I like a steady pace not a crazy not sure I can get it all done pace. My thought is...that the hospitals lack of planing does not constitute an emergency on my part. Last week I thought I was back at UNMH where we just did the best we could. I guess I just got spoilled by having nice loads and enough staff to really take care of our kids. So much for the hospital reorganizing. Work us harder and pay us less. Oh well, I knew it couldn't last forever. Just hope they continue to work with me and my cancer.
Gotta go TTFN

2005-12-16T07:13:00.000-08:00

No chemo this week, yeah!! My numbers are stable, my CT is the same "stable" and Dr Stringer says quality of life is important, so it won't set me back to take the holidays off.
One thing I have come to accept is that this stupid cancer will not just go away like the common cold. It has it's foot in the door and won't just go away. But, with chemo I can keep it at the door and not all the way in and through the house. Simple thoughts for a complicated dease.

Got the goat house finished somewhat. They can at least get out of the rain and cold. Now we don't have to worry if they are getting into the construction site.

Construction is going well, it will end abuptly the end of the month, it's the end of the money for a while.

Going to a christmas party with the ladies in my ovarian support group.
TTFN.

2005-12-06T14:55:00.000-08:00

I've had a great day at work today. I have taken care of my kids and had time to read bloggs.
I love Kimdergardens site, and all her blog friends.
It's just amazing the stories from around the globe.

Went and saw the Harry Potter movie yesterday. I had to fill in a lot of the blanks for my husband, he hasn't read any of the books, and could keep up with who was who and what was going on. It was ok thought, we were the only ones in the theator at 11am. Glad I didn't take my daughter, it was a little on the dark side. This weekend I promised her we would go see the Chronicals of Narnia. She keeps calling it the "The Lion of Narnia." I have tried to read her the book, but with out pictures her attention span is short. It won't be long and she will be reading novels all by her self. I just can't get over how fast she is learning. Texas is way ahead of NM. Kindergarten here is first grade there. The other amazing thing is all 18 kids are on the same page. If one gets a little behind, the aid or librarian takes extra time with them. I just hope this continues. Not that I'm a pushy mommy or anything.

I love telling my story of my blind, deaf, and disabled baby.
My daughter was born 8 weeks early. At one week of age she was on a ventilator for apnea and brady spells. (She didn't always want to breath.) Then they found out she had interventricular hemorages in her brain (grade III IVH). At which the neonatologist said she would most likely be blind, deaf and mentally delayed. Then she developed a large cavernous hemangioma on the nape of her neck. NM docs said, leave it alone it will go away by the time she is 8. It grew, it bleed, it grew some more and her head was cocked to the right. She couldn't hold her head up, nor could she roll over. My husband and I took to the internet and found the book and the Doc who wrote the book. September 2000, we went to Arkansas Childrens to see Dr Waner. He surgically removed her hemangioma and she rolled over the very next day. Of course, when we got home her docs were very mad at me for going over, around and behind their backs to get my daughter taken care of. In fact the Doc that had to take the stitches out almost go a fist in his mouth from me when he stated that he could have removed the hemangioma. I had only been looking for someone to do the surgery for 7 months. It was a good thing I was holding my daughter, I would have knocked his block off. (I guess I'm still a little sore about having to leave the state to get her medical attention.)
I made the insurance company pay for physical therapy, and low and behold. She was not blind, she just needed visual stimulation, she wasn't deaf, she was just tuning out all the NICU noise, and by the age of 36 months, she was right on target for her age.

If anyone has a hemangioma please don't ingore it, Dr Waner is now in New York, but he is the best. You can catch him on Discover Health every now and then.

Photos of my beautiful daughter to be put on later. I'm at work and photos are at home.
TTFN

2005-12-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

More pictures of alaska coming later.

Went to First Monday Trades day yesterday in Canton. It was a great day, warm, slight breeze, and cinamon sugar pecans. Just can't beat that. M and I went to the dogpatch area and looked at the dogs, chickens, donkeys, ponies, dogs, more dogs, and a few goats. When we got there a lady and her friends had bought all the baby goats, and they were hollering. M and I went and petted them, then we went looking for a Billy. Found three, they would have given Liberty and Jingle (our whethers) a good show, but I just don't like billys. I'll have to go around to the goat farms around here and ask if I could barrow one for a week or so next spring and get all the girls pregnant.
Children's had there Parade today, I watched it in all my pt rooms. Lots of therapy today. Some days I feel that my unit is mostly "chronic's" I keep telling my babies, that they can't go to kindergarten from the CVICU, but they aren't listening to me. Today two more repeaters came in. Not that I wish babies to have heart defects, but I could use some new babies.

Well, time to do therapy. TTFN

2005-11-30T15:58:00.000-08:00

Next we went to the alaskan pipeline.
As this takes awhile to shrink my photos, this will have to be a work in progress.
I recommend to anyone to get to Alaska and go around Fairbanks. It's beautiful. TTFN

2005-11-30T15:44:00.000-08:00

I will attempt to put my Alaska trip on this blog. Our first stop was an old goldmine area.

2005-11-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I know how to put pictures on my blog, only I'm not at home today.
Had a good thanksgiving with family. Brother came from OK and we had a nice visit.
Called all the other family.
Decorated living room yesterday for christmas. It took all day, but it looks nice, M helped I think she had fun. She gets to play with the family nativity set and all the plastic stuff. We even put a little tree in her room. Pulling out all the christmas stuff I can remeber so many christmases growing up with Tenesee Ernie Ford albums, the smell of christmas past. I can't figure out how the christmas nic nacs and bulbs and tree keep that smell. I just can't describe it, but it definately has that old christmas smell.
I love christmas, the colors, the music, the lights, the getting the gifts ready, teaching M about baby Jesus. She still plays with the sheep and camels the most, she even pulled out her polly pockets and they were riding the donkey and camel.

My strongest memory of christmas is on Hermosa, the sound of christmas music, the smell of bacon, eggs and biscuts. And the feeling of excitement about all the gifts under the tree.

I just wish we could get S out here for christmas, but he has to work and we need him out here in January.
My attention is need at a bedside. TTFN

2005-11-23T11:30:00.000-08:00

All my pictures of Alaska are on my computor now. The only problem is...I still can't figure how to put them on my blog. Maybe Friday I can get my husband to help me.
This round of Chemo has been a hard one. I don't usually get sick to my stomach, but this time I'm living on zofran. Every month I have different side effects from doxil. I wish it would pick one side effect for everymonth. Maybe I would be able to cope a little better.

The goats have been fenced, the storm shelter is in, and the septic system is in. Now the real building will start. This next month is going to be crazy.

M and I made pumpkin pies yesterday. It was alot of fun, M kept asking to eat them. I had some extra filling so we ate that. Yum Yum.

Note to greekshadow's son: You need to decide if a mother of convience is ok for your only son.
Children are not convient. They take a lot of time, money and energy. You need to love, teach and train them. I spent money, time and sleepless nights helping my husband fight for every hour we had with Steven. His mother loves him, but she is also a mother of convience.
In putting your life back together, think about R. Think about how you want him to grow up.
Play with him, teach him to do everything you do. If he isn't speaking get him to professionals. Now is the time to get him ready for the rest of his life. Don't be passive, be active and pushy, demand the best for your son. My fragile, devolpementally delayed daughter makes us so proud. She is only in kindergarten and she is reading, writing , adding, subtracting, and way ahead of the other kids in arts and crafts. (It takes working with children everyday on all areas of developement to get them ready for life.) You have to make the decision. I know at this time in your life it may seem over whelming. Trust in God, but also trust in yourself.
I just have to be a nosy auntie, it's hard sitting back and not giving my opinion. All in love. Aunt Penni.TTFN

2005-11-19T10:44:00.000-08:00

Had Chemo number 6, doxil number 5 last monday. Apt with Dr Stringer was the same as always. My CA125 is staying about the same, not surprising, he had to decrease my dosage to decrease the side effects. The 28th I have another CT scan and a MUGGA scan to check the valves in my heart to make sure they don't leak. Been laying low, Chemo gave me a urinary track infection, and D had an infection so we just hung out together.

Getting ready for the construction to start. Shaw came and put in the storm shelter and is putting in the septic system. Lots of big play in the dirt trucks around.

D and I set up a fence to move to Goats out of the way. Only problem is we have to hurd them fro the barn to the field and back to the barn at night. D and I haven't felt up to getting the new barn built for them. We have got to do that this week.

M is doing great, she has brought home a new book everynight to read to us. She thinks it's great that she can read to us and her stuffed animals.
Last night when we were hurding to goats, the back yard neighbors lab puppy wanted to come visit in the worst way. So after the goats where in the barn M and I went and petted the lab puppy. He got thru the gate and the neighbor had to come and get him from us. He's just puppy sitting until his nephew gets into a house. M wants a dog soooo bad. I just don't have the time or the want to, to take care of a puppy. M will just have to wait until one of her grandma's gets a dog.

I made it to work today, but I'm not moving to well. I'm so tired, but my kids are doing well, and therapy is light.
Well, I better go check on an alarm.TTFN

2005-11-10T16:24:00.000-08:00

I'm on my soap box again.

I went into the break room and Stupid, ignorant idiot Pat Robertson has opened his mouth and condemed a town in PA. He is acually telling them not to call on God when dissaster stricks, because they voted the school board out. Something about they have turned thier backs on God.

Number 1: God didn't come into this world to condem us, but to save us.
Number 2: Who is this little bitter old man, who has made himself god?

I HATE so called Christians showing hate, bigotry, unforgiveness, narrowmindedness, and total stupidity!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have now established with all my co-workers that I am no longer a christian.

I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I will show all people, (even those I don't like) God's love.
That Jesus loved all of us so much that he gave his only son to die a horrible death on a cross for anyone who believes in him (Jesus), they will not die spiritually, but live with him forever.

Mine maybe a child like faith, I may not have the theology of my brothers. The world has a dim veiw on christians... can you blame them?

(My views, my blog!) TTFN

2005-11-10T07:55:00.000-08:00

This week has been a long one. The septic tanks had to be pumped out, were trying to get everything ready to start constuction on the shed, so we have to enclose and limit the goat area.
That cost money and this coming week we will be putting in the fence.

I got my new oven, I love it, it is still small, but it works.
M is still loving school. This friday is another awards day. Yesterday I went to have lunch with her. Turkey day-- They worked very hard to make the meat dry, stuffing solid an mash potatoes were instant. M and I agreed that the bread and gravy were good. And the pumpkin pie was ok. There was mass caos in the cafeteria, but it was fun.

Hope today is a good day at work.

D's b-day is Sunday, still don't know what he wants to do or where to go eat. I drive by the Dallas Aquarium when I come to work, maybe we could come and see the aquarium, that would be different. Maybe eat somewhere nice in Dallas? We shall see.

Next monday I'm scheduled for more chemo. Next week I also have an ALS and work. I'ts going to be a long week too. So many things to do and no energy to do it. What else is new.
It will all get done when it gets done.

Better go back to work. TTFN

2005-11-03T16:22:00.000-08:00

We have recovered from our trip to Alaska, G at the house and colds for M and D. Glad I got my flu shot. The school gets on my back for not sending M to school and for two days they have sent her home.

I got a new oven, I got a new oven...Yeah! I hope they come to put it in Friday.
Old Republic has not saved any money on us. I'm glad I extended the home warranty. I just saved 1000.00.

It's first Monday here in Canton, I can't wait I need a cinnamon coated pecan fix.
Mom's friends are here, hope to see them too. I just love a good market. The weather is a bit windy, but the days should be nice, not too hot or too cool.

I was watching the trading spouces last night and I'm still bugged.
Get a bunch of hillbilly fundamentalist "christians" and they make fools of themselves.
They had great oppourtunities to show Gods love and teach the nation. But instead they acted like the pharroses (sp?) Jesus taught about.
I have looked, Jesus commanded us to love one another and to go out and teach all nations,
my bible doesn't say go out and rebuke all nations, look down your nose and throw a tempertantrum.

I just hate it when people say "I'm a christian" then show the world that they are mean hateful self-centered people. I'm not saying to embrace what you don't believe in, but to accept the people as humans that need to know God's love.

I guess it just boils down to you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

At one time being called a Christian meant something. As in trying to be Christ Like.
Or as simple as WWJD.

Anyway, enough ranting, almost time to get off work. Had a great day taking care of three babies. Weaned two and got one totally off the ventilator. A good days work. TTFN

2005-10-23T08:13:00.000-07:00

Well, D's mom has been here all week and is going back to Alaska today.
We have the septic guy comming and the shed is empty to begin construction to turn it into a guest house. I took the house off the market and construction is about to begin. This may be the biggest mistake I make ever, but we bought this house with this purpose in mind.
D is very stressed, I hope he can relax some this week.
I went to work yesterday to get out of the house, but my day was crazy. I'm not quite up to being myself after monday's chemo, so it was a little overwhelming yesterday. I had help and everything got done, but I should have been able to trouble shoot a stupid ventilator. I had to call for help and eventually, the night shift therapist had to change out the whole thing. I must be getting soft, I used to trouble shoot and repair all by my self. I hope Monday is better at work.

Tuesday I have plummers comming to fix my faucets. Yeah, we will beable to turn the water off in the bath tub. Hope to get my shower handle fixed too.
I need to figure out where to pin the goats for all this construction. Plus I don't want them in my front yard anymore. I want to plant roses, and vegies.
Life is going to be crazy, but hopefully without all the added stress of constant harping on things.

I need to buy a lottery ticket so maybe I can win the lottery. Not. Just wishful thinking.
"If wishes were horses all men would ride." quote I read in some book in high school.

On a more positive note, I get to paint my bedroom and fix it the way I want, and I think I will redo the hallway. I am begining to hate the wall paper. I love decorating projects. TTFN.

2005-10-18T01:36:00.000-07:00

Went to my support group, only 7 there (including mom.) Everyone seems to be doing well.
One of the lady's that used to come to the meetings 5-7 years ago, passed away.
Took forever to get my chemo. I hate afternoon sessions. They just take forever getting my chemo started.
M. has moms cold so I will keep her at home today. Her fever tonight was 101.9. She sure missed her daddy, she won't let him out of her site.

I've been reading a blog of a service man in Iraq, (got it off mainstreambaptist).
My heart goes out to all the people fighting.
Bush has his adgenda, it's not of the people or for the people. And all this busness of "christians" takeing over politics. Silly me, I thought this country was founded on freedom of religion.

Is is going to come down to what religion the president is, we all must believe?
Since when is he the dictator or monarch? Where are the checks and balances? Where are those crazy liberals from California?
I've known for a long time my vote doesn't count. But, I still have the right to vote and I feel I must vote even if my vote/voice is only one and never heard.

Overheard a couple of truckers at a truck stop.
They were talking about if all the truckers got together and had a stopage regarding to cost of gas, they could make an impact and cripple the USA. No one would get gas, supplies or mail. Then maybe the cost would go down.

People we all need to get together and STRIKE against high prices, this war and the vice presidents greedy company to rebuild everything at 1000% profit.
Ever since 911 we have been giving away our revolutionary rights to a little man with a hidden adgenda. And the so called christians are leading the way. Is it any different than the spanish inqusion? Is this all a ploy to make the working class the poorest class and the poor to die from neglect? Are we to go back to the middle ages? This maddnes has got to stop.
Gas prices out of control, medicine out of control, food, clothing, housing, a 25 cent candy bar is 75 cents. All out of contol and they say we are not in a ressesion? I know I'm in a depression about the bills, We used less electricity last month and we have to pay more than the month before, this is just not right!
If this keeps up I may be living in a cardboard box with everyone else in the middle of the street. Ok, maybe not, but I just resent having to work ever so hard to maintain and go through chemo at the same time.

Ok time to count my blessings:
I have a job, and they have help me soo much and support help to support my chemo addiction.
I have a family, all wonderful and supporting.
I have a house (owned by wealthy banks)
I have a car and 1/2 tank of gas.
and my chemo is working.

My prayers are to keep the chemo working, get through the next 3 weeks without being to ill from the side effects.
Must get sleep. TTFN

2005-10-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

Today is another chemoday. But first I will go to my ovarian support group. I have great news,
my ca125 is down. We will all rejoice and be glad. I will get to know how everyone else is doing.

I now have restras from New Mexico. D and his mom came down the alaskan hwy and down the rockies to NM to visit family and friends.

Well time to go will write soon. TTFN

2005-10-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

Had great news yesterday.

My chemo is working. My CA 125 is down to 87.1 from 168.
I had a reaction to the chemo this time, so I get one more week repreve.
Just means we all get to make the trip again next monday.

D is still in Canada with his mom. Hopefully, they will be home early next week.
M is getting spoiled sleeping with me at night, it will be hard for her to sleep in her bed again.

I've been floated again today up to PICU. Not to bad, just a couple of sick kids. Hopefully, this will be a nice slow day.

Not much to say so...TTFN

2005-10-05T16:07:00.000-07:00

Just came back from Alaska. Beautiful country!
Tried to put in a picture, but I guess I don't know how.
Will post photos when I read how to put on my blog.

D and I flew into Seattle with an 6 hour layover. So we went down to Pike Market place.
Yeah!! I got to see the guys throw fish to each other. (Saw them on the Food network.)
Walked through the market and saw beautiful flower, art and stuff. We then went to the pier and ate the best fresh fish. Seattle was a cool 44 to 65 degrees sunny day. Then we were off the Fairbanks.

After some much needed sleep, we were off to site see.
We saw an old Gold dregger, walked around and had a bite to eat. Went to see the pipeline.
Saw the sites of Fairbanks. Went to the NorthPole Alaska, and Santa's house. I got a great T-shirt that says, "I'm on Santa's good list." (Santa wasn't there but we took pictures in his chair.) We went out side and saw one of his retired Raindeer. It was a lot of fun.
Later we went to the musem at U of A and saw the culture of Alaska.

One day we drove to Denali national park, It was overcast so we only saw parts if Denali (Mt McKinley) The best part of the whole trip was my three bears. We were driving thru the park and people were stopped by the road looking accross to the river. We were driving down a hill when I said "Bear!!" We stoped and watched three grissley bears a mom and 2 almost grown cubs eating something. They were about 1/4 mile from us. (have pictures) It was great.

We also went to the Chena Hotsprings and had dinner, in fact we ate very richley.
We had raindeer sausage, king salmone, king crab, muskox, prawns the size of a med lobster, and pie. On my last night we went looking for the nights lights , but alas they were not out. But, we finially did see the alussive Moose, and her baby. It took 600 miles of travel all over Alaska to see them, but I finally got to see the Moose.
I saw, Grissly bears (close enough for me, and still save), sled dogs, grouse birds, Raindeer, Carabu and Moose.
I ate, king salmone, king crablegs, Prawns, raindeer, and muskox.

Had a great time, but time travel is very hard on a body.

P.S. Greekshadow, THANKS FOR THE APPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was a great suprise when I got home.
I

2005-09-25T06:08:00.000-07:00

Last friday I got to go to the airport and transport evauee's from houston. Our hospital played host to a total of 39 kids. We got 6 in CVICU and friday we brought in 13 stable vented kids. I'm sure this by monday or tuesday they will all be back in Houston.
Well, we braced for a big storm, tied down what couldn't be brought in and brought in everything else. And we waited...and waited...mom and dad came over and we watched tv, and waited... and waited..., when we thought this is it, we got mom and dad ready to go home and the storm hit. It blowed some, and rained a nice steady rain.
M. played out in the rain while grandpa and dad wathched. The goats kept telling us to get inside. Then the power went out about 4pm. (our power goes out all the time, was surprised it lasted that long.) Finally, around 6:30, 7pm M and I went to mom and dads to watch tv, (they never lost power, they are on a different power grid.)
My power came back on around 3am.
No damage to anything in my area. We have had bigger gusts and more rain with a regular storm. We only go 1 inch of rain.
Glad to have it, and glad that it was so mild.

To all my friends and family we are all safe and sound. I may even have to mow the yard when I get back from Alaska.TTFN

2005-09-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

What a contrast yeasterday was. I started out with 4 patients and the only one in CVICU (therapist.) and admitted 3 patients by 1pm. It reminded me to the old days at UNMH. It was great. I had to call for help just to go to lunch. I don't know if the nurses got a lunch, but I needed a break. After lunch I got to get a cup of coffee around 5pm. Wow the day went by so fast. I love being busy. I got everything done and had time to set up for evacuees from the texas coast. (We were getting 4 by midnight and possibly two more.)
Then, my new boss Mike stoped me and said he had been trying to talk with me all day. That comment made me a little concerned, but he laughed and said he was glad he found me every time he looked, in a pt room. Then he handed me an envelope with a card and 477.00 of cash.
Everybody in CVICU had donated money to help me pay my bills and for our trip to Alaska.
The second time in my life I was speachless. Mike said that he apprieciated all my hard work and that "we take care of our own." It took me so by surprise. Here I have been worring about missing so much work because of chemo and being sick. I don't know how I can ever thank everyone.
Praise GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
Joanne made me fill out the papers to get emergency money from Childrens and that came this week, and now this. I now have mortgage, utilities and all the insurances. Yeah!!!!!
And I even have money for Alaska and to get ready for RITA.

Amazing, when I gave all this to God and walked away from worring. He took care of it.
If only I could always do that.
Note to self: Give it to God and walk away.

He does a better job than I do.

Well, Rita is going to hit us this weekend and I need to get ready for the flood and wind.
Tracy and the girls are her, but may go up to Arkasas to be with her family. Kevin is stuck down south, but they are evacuating by 6 pm. Hopefully, they don't get too damaged.
This is all a little scary.
Hope to write more later. TTFN

2005-09-19T11:58:00.000-07:00

Well, today is a very long day. I still have nothing to do but play on the computor. Why they thought I needed to help on the 7th floor is beyond me. But, that's ok...I am making good money. Just wish it covered all the expenses.

Was reading a blog from some guy in washington being a want a be on capital hill.
He has no idea what a moderate christian is. He has this unrealistic view that if we legislate against abortion that no women would have one. He needs to grow up.
1. If a women wants to terminate a pregancey...she will one way or another.
we might as well do it safely and sterilly. Why waist the fetus? Use it to further medical science. This is not the dark ages. Our Medical community doesn't have to go grave dig to get knowledge.
I would never have an abortion, I love babies, would have had 10, but I just couldn't live on the government, (I tend to be a little type A personality), so I raised one and had one of my own.
But I work in hospitals, I've seen the neglect by parents who should not be parents. I have tried to save fetus' that needed to go to heaven. (22 to 27 week gestation is just not enough time to develope.)
2. Prayer in school. My question is what prayer and by whom?
I went to public school. In the fourth grade I played the violin. One of my fellow violinist was Jewish, she could not play "Christmas" tunes. She played everything and sat out on the christmas tunes. For me it was no big deal. I felt sorry for her. Christmas songs are fun.
In Junior High I had a New Age teacher. I'm not sure about her gods.
In high school I had an atheist teacher. He had no god to pray to.
I learned how to pray when I was young. No one ever said Penni thou shalt not pray in school.
If I had a test, you better believe I prayed before I took it. I prayed in school all the time. Did I stand up and do it for show? NO. The only one who knew was God. Although, I have always been a hummer, I would sing or hum "church" songs. I even listened to the christian radio station. Most of my friends were also christians.
It was bad enough to have to sit still and read for 20 min everyday. In the USA there are too many religions, cultures, and agnositics to put prayer in school.
This country was founded on religious freedom. With that freedom, I would object to my daughter being forced to pray at school. I would have to approve of the prayer first. It's my job to teach her to pray, we do it every night. Religous education needs to start at home or at church, not public schools.

At work, I pray. If I take care of a child that is dying, or I'm worried about, I pray. The family, my co-workers, my boss, they don't need to know. It's between my God and me. My moto to my families, no mother cries alone and I pray that everyone of my babies goes to heaven and rejoices in a new body.

Just another soap box by a MODERATE christian. TTFN

2005-09-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

Back to work, and at least I am feeling better. Tried to work saturday and just felt awful. It was like have hot flashes or breaking a fever every couple of hours. Wimped out and went home. All my co-workers have check on me already today. The CVICU is very slow so I am sitting on the 7th floor baby sitting. I only have one kid with therapy and a couple on oxygen. It's 11:30 , all therapy is done until 4pm. What to do??
Decided to blog and blogsurf.
The week after chemo is such a fog, I'm tired and spacey. Today I'm a little more clear and have more energy. Yesterday D, M and myself just hung out. Went to Mesquite to target to get dark chocolate m&m's for G. Found some dress shoes for M. (She has the widest feet.)

Can't think of anything else to say so TTFN.

2005-09-16T17:06:00.000-07:00

Why is it that it is everybody else's fault or problem?
If a catagory 5 hurricain is barring down on me and the call has gone out to leave. I know I would leave (common sense). Here in East TX, now that I'm not sooo green, if it's a tornado warning. I heed the warning and seek shelter. My heart goes to those that are displaced, but what did they expect? Did the Mayor's of the gulf states insist on total evacuation? Did the Govenors of those States have a disater plan? Did the Hospitals have an evacuation disater plan? It takes a lot to get whole cities evacuated. It can't be done by one person or even 10. It takes everyone taking care of themselves and making sure that thier neighbors are taken care of too. I'm glad that Bush has accepted responiblity for this disater, he didn't cause it, he declaired a state of emergency even before it hit, and FEMA, RED CROSS and other agencies were anticipating the need. Why is it neccesary to blame someone for the caos after a disater?
The police were doing all they could to help, the reporters were doing all they could to create more caos, the mayor and the govenors were talking about how horrible it was and why no one was doing anything. (Maybe they should have gotten on the phone and called the busses them selves?) Lack of planning is caos. For all the disater drills and homeland security drills I guess this country still lacks for a plan.

FEMA is the real screw up. There were truck loads of water and supplies waiting for a simple OK to get to the gulf coast. Instead, they were told, just send money. Medical personnel were in their cars waiting to go and assist, they were told to wait. Medical helicopters from Dallas and Houston were fueled and ready to go, again, they were told to wait. The country is used to getting directions from FEMA even the red cross gets direction from FEMA. If they couldn't step up and direct the aid then they need to be investigated for neglagence. The President is only one person. Of course it would be nice if the people he appoints had one half a brain to get what is needed done. In this the President did screw up. You can't put friends in high places if they don't have the mustard to do the job.

Now that all the governement dependant people have been relocated, I wonder how this will effect the surrounding states. The medicaid program, education and human services in TX is banckrupt. Has been for years, now we just added 1/2 million more government dependant people to the roles. This next year will be very interesting.

So much for my soap box. As for my daughter and her children.... maybe they will be able to afford a trailer on a small peice of land. Not much for a Vet or MD, but nobody will be able to afford health care or animal care in about 20 to 40 years.

These are just the ramblings of a chemo brain. My opinions and spellings are my own.TTFN

2005-09-12T16:04:00.000-07:00

Had chemo today. Went well, puts me to sleep and makes me feel funny.
Wish I could just relax and take care of myself, but there are bills to pay and things to do.

TTFN

2005-09-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

The chemo is finally starting to slow this cancer down.
Ca 125 only up to 165 from 158. At least it didn't double this time.
CT scan still show possible cancer spots, still contained. At least it is not spreading.
Doc wants to keep on the Doxil for at least another tx. If this next treatment doesn't start winning the war, then it's another drug. Doc wants to give Doxil one more chance.

M. had high fever last night so she came with us to Dallas today. After my appt. we went to Childrens and let her be seen in "First Care" yep she has double ear infections. She's on antibiotics and Motrin. By the time we got home here fever really got high, put her in the bath and gave more motrin. I guess we get to sleep in, in the morining YEA!

David needs computor so TTFN

2005-09-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

My heart goes out to all the victims of Katrina.
I fixed a wonderful meal last night, when we sat down, I looked at the food on my plate and almost cried. I Thanked God for the food on our table, the clothes in our closets, the house over our head and the running water. We as a family, prayed for all those who can no longer take for granted the basic neccesity of food, clothes, home and water.

The distruction is overwhelming. I just pray that the survivors can hold on a little while longer, the wheels of the rescue train take a while to get started. Help is on the way.
I see the cries for help and my heart aches. I wish I had a plane or balloon to fly over and drop bottles of water.

I really question the rational of rebuilding a city inside a bowl surounded by water. Can it not be rebuilt somewhere else? Do these survivors really want to rebuild and go back to what they had? At this point you can never go back, it will never be the same, now is the time to look forward. To decide, where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Do you just want to be a pawn, sitting around waiting for someone to tell you what to do, or where to go?

To all the survivors, you have survivied, you did it, now decide what you want out of life. You can go anywhere and do anything, take charge of your life. Meditate, pray and look to the government and neighbors for guidance, but do something. Healing comes from doing something not sitting around.
If you have ever had surgery, the first thing you do is get out of bed and walk. It helps with breathing, circulation and digestion. Now I don't expect everyone to do this today, but after the basic needs of water, food, clothing, showers, and sleep, start praying and working on a plan.

Sometimes you have to take one second at a time, later you can take one day at a time.
Know that you are in my prayers, and will be for many months.

2005-08-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

Just hangging around today. It is soooooooooooooo hot. "they say" it only got up to 100 degrees today. But here even the air conditioner was working hard. I can't wait until it cools off. I would like to sit out on my front porch, but even at 9:00 at night it's still hot and muggy.
D said it was 109 when he came home. It makes it hard to even want to go out and do things.

M. is having a great time at school. She got a little notebook from the principal for being good and quiet in the lunch room. She is so proud of her it. She has played school all evening.
I have spelled every cats name three times. Well I guess she needs to go to bed. TTFN

2005-08-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

Feeling better yesterday and today. Got up and got M to school. Cleaned house and went to Tyler so D could get a used saturn wagon. We only have so many arms and legs to pay for gas.
Tyler still has the cheapest gas, but even at 2.49 a gal it just really kills a budget. I can't wait for the electric bill next month. All week and the coming week temps are 100 +. So much for extra money for food or going out to dinner. Hello tuna and koolaide.

I hate to judge people too harshley, but when they are on national TV, spouting things that they have no busness spouting... What was Robinson/Robertson (whatever his name is) thinking, or better yet not thinking. I really don't think Jesus would say lets assasinate someone so we could avoid a war.
I don't like war, it never solve the problems, just magnifies them.
Personally, If we have to be the keepers of the world. Lets just drop nuclear bombs on everyone who doesn't agree with the USA and solve all our problems.
(to sarcastic?) Okay, maybe not. I guess it would cause even more problems in the long run.
Abraham caused the problems in the middle east, I don't think we as the USA can solve them.
God, Jesus and a league of angels will have to solve that problem.

As for the gas crisis. We've known this was comming for years, but the auto industry sells large gasohoic SUV's and hybrids are still to new and out of my price range. If I had 40k to buy a hybrid, I wouldn't be needing it. I could afford the gas. What we need is an economical solution.
With prices on gas soooooooooo high, it will have the ripple effect. Everything will go up in price.
Food, clothing, postage, travel, medical, you name it watch the rise. Inflation hear we come.
Thanks BUSH!!

2005-08-21T16:44:00.000-07:00

Came to work today. I didn't feel great, but I made it. My load was light and it was hot dog and hamberger day so we had lots of food and drinks. I think my biggest problem is that I'm not drinking enough. I feel better with hydration. Still very tired.

Been reading other blogs on blogger. Some are very interesting and others are just adds.

Lots of talk today about the shake up in CVICU and this "magnet status". Sounds a lot like what Hospidar did to the pulmonary dept at UNMH. Make everybody work everywhere, no specializing so that everyone can do an ok job instead of some doing a great job.
I hope when the respiratory dept gets put together we don't go back to that. I really love the CVICU. Yes I can work anywhere and do a good job. I choose to work in CVICU and give 110%. If I wanted to just work anywhere, I could get a job closer to home.

Yeah it's time to go home. TTFN

2005-08-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

Just another day.

I haven't done very much today. Mostly watched tv. Mom and Dad came by and brought a HUGE watermellon. D went to get a king size bed, but the lady gave it to someone else.
Guess it just wasn't to be. It's hot and M doesn't want to be outside to long.
She went next door to play, but came back a little later and said it was too hot.
250 channels of nothoing on satillite. TTFN

2005-08-19T14:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I felt good, rubberstamped fish on bathroom walls for M. She loves it.
Went to lunch with mom and dad, then went to house on big rock for inspection for G.
Inspection didn't go well, house just about falling apart. Biggest disapointment was that when you walked into bathroom you could rock the toilet and get it to flush without even touching it. I was afraid to sit on it, I would think it would fall thru the floor and crash under the house.
Needless to say we let G and J know that we needed out of the contract. House would need at least 20K to fix it enough to even live in it. Another 20k to make it a home.

Haven't felt good all day. Got up early and fixed M hair. D took her to school and I went back to bed. Slept until 11:30. I've just had no energy and my tummy hurts. Maybe a good healthy dinner will help. Got two satilite sales.
Dinner is ready so TTFN.

2005-08-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

Back on the bloger today.

Boy, I was really out of it yesterday, D took M to school, and I had to take Ginger to the vet, he's been very lethargic for a couple of days. Free cats sure do cost a fortune at the vets. After that I just hung around the house, I don't even remember what was on tv. The chemo really knocked me out. Having a cold doesn't help any.

I feel better today. At least I am up and blogging.
Read everybodies blogs, and even finished up the latest on tigs novel. (Great job P!)

M just loves school. Bedtime is no longer a chore, she's tired and wants to go to bed so she can get up for school. This morning she came in at 6:05 asking if it was time to get ready, I made her go back to bed for a little while, (I think she just played.)
We are just about on a back to school schedule. I'm just not used to getting up early everyday.
Reminds me of getting S off to school when he was little. I hope M continues to love school, she comes home and plays school with us and her imaginary kids.

Ginger is feeling better, I have to really fight him to get the medicine in him.
The goats are playing outside, the nannies are teaching the kids to fight and head butt, and they are really getting into it. Alice is really giving Abbey some lessions. I've never seen Alice so active and bouncy, she's acting like Rachel the baby. Now Rachel is trying to stand on Alice's back. Who needs TV when you've got kids (goats and children.)

Well, since I'm feeling better today I'm going to do some rubber stampping. TTFN

2005-08-15T17:18:00.000-07:00

There are worse things in life than death.

I was reading my mainstreambaptist blog and thought I would leave a comment, but discovered that this is one of my passionate soapboxes.

Being in the medical field I have seen the wonders of medicine.
I can help keep a fetus of 23 to 28 weeks gestation alive. (Sometimes they have good outcomes but mostly they don't, they may live with blindness, retardation, CP, ADHD, deafness, short gut syndrome, and other syndromes and disfunctions.)
Medicine has come a long way in fighting diseases like polio and small pox. But we have also created superviruses and resistant bugs that still threaten our lives.

Medicines purpose is ease suffering to have a better quality of life, and hopefully prolong life. Ease suffering should be number one. Unfortunately,
We do have ethic committees, procedures and law to help ease suffering when the families are only think of themselves.

There comes a time in the treatment of humans that doctors, nurses, and respiratory therapist ask, "why are we doing this? Is this going to just prolong a life a day, week or month? Are we doing harm to this patient? What is the quailty of life for this person and the family, what kind of life are we giving to them?"
These questions usually fall on the MD and the ethics committee if need be.
Most families understand this and will let their loved ones go.

What pisses me off the most is the so called people of the cloth that come into my hospital speaking healling, miracles and faith for multisystem failure patients that are blownup like a big fat toad, yellow and being kept alive on machines and medicines to keep their hearts beating. Sometimes God wants his angles.
I don't want to put God in a box, but not all people are going to be miraculously healed. Who are we to tell God no you can't have my daughter, I'm going the keep her alive for 15 years and make her life hell.
Pastors and ministers need to comfort and reassure families that thier loved ones will be in a better place, without pain, sorrow, suffering or loss. Sometimes these bodies are just broken. People know when it's time to die. They withdrawl, they sleep alot, they are getting ready for the last journey.
Politician need to get out of individual lives. The Terry Schivo's parents should be ashamed of the circus they caused. This was totally disrepective to their daughter and son-in-law. Poor Terry a young vibrant women with everything ahead of her and to be put thru this. Where was the dignatiy, the humanity , the love and wanting to do what was best for her? Not what was best for mommy dearest. Some people can be so self centered and narrowminded.
King Solomon was very wise to recommend "cut the baby in two." He found out who really loved.
I'm a mommy, I understand that I would do anything, go anywhere and battle anyone for M. Her health and safety are my top priority and yes I do get many opinions until I get the answer I want. But if she was not going to get well, not going to have a quality of life. Or if all medicine was doing was torturing her. I would let her have her angel wings.

There are worse things in life than death. I for one would like to have a good long quality of life. If I had to live on a ventilator, have a feeding tube, or life support medication. Pull the plug let me get to my mansion in the sky. Jesus has been working on my mansion since I was born.

(Just had chemo today so if I ramble and my grammer is off. It's my congnative dulling from the chemo and benadryl.)

2005-08-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

August 14

I finally got to sit down at the computor, I'm at work and they have kept me very busy.
Everytime I sit down some vent alarms and I have to go to work.
Thanks for all the comments on my site. I still haven't figured out how to get links, or pictures.

Talked with S. last night, he's doing well, got a job at D.R. Horton starting next week. And someone is interesting our patch of dirt south of Belen, we just don't know what to ask for it.

Gotta go again. TTFN

2005-08-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

August 13, 2005
Well, I have just joined my internet connected family. We may all be scattered across the USA, but we are as close as the computor in the living room.

I just finished reading my friends "pathwaytorecovery.com" blog about what she is going thru.
Decided maybe I need to right about my journey in this land of cancer.

It's very strange to be very healthy, taking care of sick people to being "sick."
I never felt ill, sick or in pain. I just wanted to get my annual check up out of the way and get no baby pills. When my primary found something suspicious I figured it was just a cyst. Boy was I wrong. When I was the MRI and the mass was the size of a small cantalope I knew it was cancer.

Cancer...
...couldn't be me!! I'm too young, I have too much to do. I don't have time for this.
Okay, had the surgery, had the six months of phase 1 chemo. Ca125 258 down to 34.
Three months of getting back my life. Ca125 going up, more ct scans, and more chemo.
The cancer is still growing. Ca125 up to 158. So, I keep going on chemo.
Monday I get dose number 2 of Doxil. It's not so bad, makes me tired, Melaluka keeps the mouth sores away, and my hair has stopped falling out. The thing I hate the most is I can't have salsa. The ity bity Wally world finially got NM salsa, and I can't have it. This is just not fair. I have had to give up greenchili cheese bagals, real chili renos, and green chili cheese fries when I moved to texas, but to have to give it all up is just not right!!!
Just went and picked up Michelle from preschool camp out. She is getting ready for kindergarten. Time sure does fly. I can't believe she's going to school. She meet her teacher yesterday, so she say's she's ready. I'll probaby cry all the way to Dallas after we drop her off. Wish I could be there to pick her up, but I'll still be getting chemo.
I don't know what I would do with out my mom and dad, they have really saved me this past year. They have taking care of me through all this cancer mess.
I worked yeasterday, so I had better go clean house. TTFN