Just hangging around today. It is soooooooooooooo hot. "they say" it only got up to 100 degrees today. But here even the air conditioner was working hard. I can't wait until it cools off. I would like to sit out on my front porch, but even at 9:00 at night it's still hot and muggy.
D said it was 109 when he came home. It makes it hard to even want to go out and do things.

M. is having a great time at school. She got a little notebook from the principal for being good and quiet in the lunch room. She is so proud of her it. She has played school all evening.
I have spelled every cats name three times. Well I guess she needs to go to bed. TTFN

Feeling better yesterday and today. Got up and got M to school. Cleaned house and went to Tyler so D could get a used saturn wagon. We only have so many arms and legs to pay for gas.
Tyler still has the cheapest gas, but even at 2.49 a gal it just really kills a budget. I can't wait for the electric bill next month. All week and the coming week temps are 100 +. So much for extra money for food or going out to dinner. Hello tuna and koolaide.

I hate to judge people too harshley, but when they are on national TV, spouting things that they have no busness spouting... What was Robinson/Robertson (whatever his name is) thinking, or better yet not thinking. I really don't think Jesus would say lets assasinate someone so we could avoid a war.
I don't like war, it never solve the problems, just magnifies them.
Personally, If we have to be the keepers of the world. Lets just drop nuclear bombs on everyone who doesn't agree with the USA and solve all our problems.
(to sarcastic?) Okay, maybe not. I guess it would cause even more problems in the long run.
Abraham caused the problems in the middle east, I don't think we as the USA can solve them.
God, Jesus and a league of angels will have to solve that problem.

As for the gas crisis. We've known this was comming for years, but the auto industry sells large gasohoic SUV's and hybrids are still to new and out of my price range. If I had 40k to buy a hybrid, I wouldn't be needing it. I could afford the gas. What we need is an economical solution.
With prices on gas soooooooooo high, it will have the ripple effect. Everything will go up in price.
Food, clothing, postage, travel, medical, you name it watch the rise. Inflation hear we come.
Thanks BUSH!!

Came to work today. I didn't feel great, but I made it. My load was light and it was hot dog and hamberger day so we had lots of food and drinks. I think my biggest problem is that I'm not drinking enough. I feel better with hydration. Still very tired.

Been reading other blogs on blogger. Some are very interesting and others are just adds.

Lots of talk today about the shake up in CVICU and this "magnet status". Sounds a lot like what Hospidar did to the pulmonary dept at UNMH. Make everybody work everywhere, no specializing so that everyone can do an ok job instead of some doing a great job.
I hope when the respiratory dept gets put together we don't go back to that. I really love the CVICU. Yes I can work anywhere and do a good job. I choose to work in CVICU and give 110%. If I wanted to just work anywhere, I could get a job closer to home.

Yeah it's time to go home. TTFN

Just another day.

I haven't done very much today. Mostly watched tv. Mom and Dad came by and brought a HUGE watermellon. D went to get a king size bed, but the lady gave it to someone else.
Guess it just wasn't to be. It's hot and M doesn't want to be outside to long.
She went next door to play, but came back a little later and said it was too hot.
250 channels of nothoing on satillite. TTFN

Yesterday I felt good, rubberstamped fish on bathroom walls for M. She loves it.
Went to lunch with mom and dad, then went to house on big rock for inspection for G.
Inspection didn't go well, house just about falling apart. Biggest disapointment was that when you walked into bathroom you could rock the toilet and get it to flush without even touching it. I was afraid to sit on it, I would think it would fall thru the floor and crash under the house.
Needless to say we let G and J know that we needed out of the contract. House would need at least 20K to fix it enough to even live in it. Another 20k to make it a home.

Haven't felt good all day. Got up early and fixed M hair. D took her to school and I went back to bed. Slept until 11:30. I've just had no energy and my tummy hurts. Maybe a good healthy dinner will help. Got two satilite sales.
Dinner is ready so TTFN.

Back on the bloger today.

Boy, I was really out of it yesterday, D took M to school, and I had to take Ginger to the vet, he's been very lethargic for a couple of days. Free cats sure do cost a fortune at the vets. After that I just hung around the house, I don't even remember what was on tv. The chemo really knocked me out. Having a cold doesn't help any.

I feel better today. At least I am up and blogging.
Read everybodies blogs, and even finished up the latest on tigs novel. (Great job P!)

M just loves school. Bedtime is no longer a chore, she's tired and wants to go to bed so she can get up for school. This morning she came in at 6:05 asking if it was time to get ready, I made her go back to bed for a little while, (I think she just played.)
We are just about on a back to school schedule. I'm just not used to getting up early everyday.
Reminds me of getting S off to school when he was little. I hope M continues to love school, she comes home and plays school with us and her imaginary kids.

Ginger is feeling better, I have to really fight him to get the medicine in him.
The goats are playing outside, the nannies are teaching the kids to fight and head butt, and they are really getting into it. Alice is really giving Abbey some lessions. I've never seen Alice so active and bouncy, she's acting like Rachel the baby. Now Rachel is trying to stand on Alice's back. Who needs TV when you've got kids (goats and children.)

Well, since I'm feeling better today I'm going to do some rubber stampping. TTFN

There are worse things in life than death.

I was reading my mainstreambaptist blog and thought I would leave a comment, but discovered that this is one of my passionate soapboxes.

Being in the medical field I have seen the wonders of medicine.
I can help keep a fetus of 23 to 28 weeks gestation alive. (Sometimes they have good outcomes but mostly they don't, they may live with blindness, retardation, CP, ADHD, deafness, short gut syndrome, and other syndromes and disfunctions.)
Medicine has come a long way in fighting diseases like polio and small pox. But we have also created superviruses and resistant bugs that still threaten our lives.

Medicines purpose is ease suffering to have a better quality of life, and hopefully prolong life. Ease suffering should be number one. Unfortunately,
We do have ethic committees, procedures and law to help ease suffering when the families are only think of themselves.

There comes a time in the treatment of humans that doctors, nurses, and respiratory therapist ask, "why are we doing this? Is this going to just prolong a life a day, week or month? Are we doing harm to this patient? What is the quailty of life for this person and the family, what kind of life are we giving to them?"
These questions usually fall on the MD and the ethics committee if need be.
Most families understand this and will let their loved ones go.


What pisses me off the most is the so called people of the cloth that come into my hospital speaking healling, miracles and faith for multisystem failure patients that are blownup like a big fat toad, yellow and being kept alive on machines and medicines to keep their hearts beating. Sometimes God wants his angles.
I don't want to put God in a box, but not all people are going to be miraculously healed. Who are we to tell God no you can't have my daughter, I'm going the keep her alive for 15 years and make her life hell.
Pastors and ministers need to comfort and reassure families that thier loved ones will be in a better place, without pain, sorrow, suffering or loss. Sometimes these bodies are just broken. People know when it's time to die. They withdrawl, they sleep alot, they are getting ready for the last journey.
Politician need to get out of individual lives. The Terry Schivo's parents should be ashamed of the circus they caused. This was totally disrepective to their daughter and son-in-law. Poor Terry a young vibrant women with everything ahead of her and to be put thru this. Where was the dignatiy, the humanity , the love and wanting to do what was best for her? Not what was best for mommy dearest. Some people can be so self centered and narrowminded.
King Solomon was very wise to recommend "cut the baby in two." He found out who really loved.
I'm a mommy, I understand that I would do anything, go anywhere and battle anyone for M. Her health and safety are my top priority and yes I do get many opinions until I get the answer I want. But if she was not going to get well, not going to have a quality of life. Or if all medicine was doing was torturing her. I would let her have her angel wings.

There are worse things in life than death. I for one would like to have a good long quality of life. If I had to live on a ventilator, have a feeding tube, or life support medication. Pull the plug let me get to my mansion in the sky. Jesus has been working on my mansion since I was born.


(Just had chemo today so if I ramble and my grammer is off. It's my congnative dulling from the chemo and benadryl.)

August 14

I finally got to sit down at the computor, I'm at work and they have kept me very busy.
Everytime I sit down some vent alarms and I have to go to work.
Thanks for all the comments on my site. I still haven't figured out how to get links, or pictures.

Talked with S. last night, he's doing well, got a job at D.R. Horton starting next week. And someone is interesting our patch of dirt south of Belen, we just don't know what to ask for it.

Gotta go again. TTFN

August 13, 2005
Well, I have just joined my internet connected family. We may all be scattered across the USA, but we are as close as the computor in the living room.

I just finished reading my friends "pathwaytorecovery.com" blog about what she is going thru.
Decided maybe I need to right about my journey in this land of cancer.

It's very strange to be very healthy, taking care of sick people to being "sick."
I never felt ill, sick or in pain. I just wanted to get my annual check up out of the way and get no baby pills. When my primary found something suspicious I figured it was just a cyst. Boy was I wrong. When I was the MRI and the mass was the size of a small cantalope I knew it was cancer.

Cancer...
...couldn't be me!! I'm too young, I have too much to do. I don't have time for this.
Okay, had the surgery, had the six months of phase 1 chemo. Ca125 258 down to 34.
Three months of getting back my life. Ca125 going up, more ct scans, and more chemo.
The cancer is still growing. Ca125 up to 158. So, I keep going on chemo.
Monday I get dose number 2 of Doxil. It's not so bad, makes me tired, Melaluka keeps the mouth sores away, and my hair has stopped falling out. The thing I hate the most is I can't have salsa. The ity bity Wally world finially got NM salsa, and I can't have it. This is just not fair. I have had to give up greenchili cheese bagals, real chili renos, and green chili cheese fries when I moved to texas, but to have to give it all up is just not right!!!
Just went and picked up Michelle from preschool camp out. She is getting ready for kindergarten. Time sure does fly. I can't believe she's going to school. She meet her teacher yesterday, so she say's she's ready. I'll probaby cry all the way to Dallas after we drop her off. Wish I could be there to pick her up, but I'll still be getting chemo.
I don't know what I would do with out my mom and dad, they have really saved me this past year. They have taking care of me through all this cancer mess.
I worked yeasterday, so I had better go clean house. TTFN